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Frostbite can turn an attractive woman into a six-pack-and-two-shots-of-whiskey woman. ~ avalanche719
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The wolves in New England are pussies. ~ ryan corderman
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When you die your best friend will tell your girlfriend embarrassing stories about you. ~ ryan corderman
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Women will sit around doing nothing but crying while men attempt to fix the situation. ~ ryan corderman
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6 to 8 wolves will be completely full just by eating 2 guys in a couple of days. ~ mojarras
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A ski lift cart will become loose and fall if you stand up on it and hang by the cable. ~ mojarras
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If a ski lift chair is falling, don't get out of the way. ~ avalanche719
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Some guys have no problem showing off their girlfriend's tits in order to get discount ski lifts. ~ avalanche719
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It's the best friend's fault because he didn't stop him from jumping. No, it's the girlfriend's fault because she had to spend all day on the bunny hills falling on her ass. Nevermind. They're sorry. ~ avalanche719
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If you're cold, maybe you should zip your coat up all the way. You know, instead of leaving your neck exposed. ~ avalanche719
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Man eating wolves are common and roam ski resorts in packs while nobody reports or monitors them. ~ avalanche719
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Telling your best friend's girlfriend about how much of a pussy he was in first grade will take her mind off him getting eaten alive by wolves. ~ avalanche719
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Pissing yourself makes you cry. ~ avalanche719
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The wolves took one look at Parker and thought "Damn, nevermind, Jack Frost already got this bitch." ~ avalanche719
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Upon freezing to death, your main concern will be that your dog is going to starve to death. ~ avalanche719
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A dog won't starve because the neighbors will kick the door in. Always. ~ avalanche719
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Some people can sleep with their arm outstretched with their bare hand grasping a cold, metal bar. ~ avalanche719
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Thinking about the girl who did more pullups than you in high school gym class will give you the motivation to shimmy a cable. ~ avalanche719
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Pulling your arms out of the sleeves and tucking them into your body to keep warm is too childish when you're in college. ~ avalanche719
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Blaming each other for one person's death creates a unique bonding experience. ~ avalanche719
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Instead of making an ice slide down off the ski lift like Ice Man really would, Shawn Ashmore would rather just sit around with his friends. ~ ryan corderman
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It's kind of funny to see the man who played Bobby Drake (A.K.A. Ice Man) cold. ~ ryan corderman
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Girls refuse to contribute to the group when it comes to tricking a ski lift worker. ~ ryan corderman
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Having the name Jason is awesome. ~ ryan corderman
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Football games are more then ten minutes long. ~ ryan corderman
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Cigarettes make you smell like an old man's used floss. ~ ryan corderman
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Statistics don't work on smokers ~ ryan corderman
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Chicks always get in the way of having a good time. ~ ryan corderman
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Admitting to a chick you've only smoked pot like 500 times will reassure her that you have a great memory. ~ ryan corderman
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People will always be willing to put their job on the line if you give them $100. ~ ryan corderman
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Chicks always have to pee at inconvenient times. ~ ryan corderman
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Jumping like 40 feet down and landing on your feet is not enjoyable. ~ ryan corderman
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Wolves = The skiers natural enemy. ~ ryan corderman
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All things considered I guess dieing by wolves is as bad as dieing by shark attack. ~ ryan corderman
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Always prefer to jump down 40 ft instead of hanging on a cable for 20 ft. ~ mojarras
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If you're trying to get back with your ex-girlfrined, its best not to be a total douche. ~ avalanche719
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Being frozen for a couple days will make you realize that life is short and you'll want to marry the girl you just met. ~ avalanche719
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Being stuck on a ski lift is boring. ~ avalanche719
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When begging a ski lift operator for one last run, make sure he doesn't have any weekend plans. ~ avalanche719
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Wolves are assholes. ~ avalanche719
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If you scare one wolf, he'll bring the whole pack back. ~ avalanche719
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Wolves won't attack you if you're sliding downhill on your stomach. ~ avalanche719
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Bring a buck knife or gun with you when you go snowboarding, just in case. ~ avalanche719
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Snowboards are just a fad and will be gone in 10 years. ~ avalanche719
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People said rap music would be gone in ten years. ~ avalanche719
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If a chick is naked, she is automatically hot. ~ avalanche719
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When stranded on a ski-lift, high up on a mountain, the best thing to discuss is what would be the worse way to die. ~ avalanche719
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What did the 14-year-old girl from New Hampshire say to her dad when she lost her virginity? Get off me, you're crushing my Marlboros. ~ avalanche719
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The sarlacc pit from "Return of the Jedi", being slowly digested over a 1000 years is the worst death ever. ~ avalanche719
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Mountain air smells like cancer. ~ avalanche719
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You'll still be embarrassed if you piss yourself in a life-threatening situation. ~ avalanche719
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Your glove is not going to be effective at all when it comes to repelling wolves, just keep it on. ~ avalanche719
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Parkers should have had Lynch piss on her hand so she didn't have to lose a lot of skin. ~ avalanche719
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When jumping from about 40 feet up, land with your legs straight. Don't brace for impact or anything, what could possibly go wrong? ~ avalanche719
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If you make it down the mountain after a horrible, freezing ordeal, just take a nap on the road. You'll be fine. ~ avalanche719
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Girls who lose their boyfriends to wolf attacks will go to sleep and not think about it for some time till after they wake the next morning. ~ avalanche719
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If you're trying to shimmy a rope with heavy boots on, under no circumstances should you take them off and try to retrieve them after you've finished. ~ avalanche719
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Big metal cables are like razors. Ski resorts have to replace chairlifts every two weeks because they keep cutting through the metal. ~ avalanche719
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Don't try to butt in on what's supposed to be a guy's weekend; you might get more than you bargined for. ~ avalanche719
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Helping a girl with her bindings classifies as "being all over her". ~ avalanche719
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Nobody ever thinks to use their clothing tied together as a rope to at least cut the fall down. ~ avalanche719
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Be sure to bring a rope with you whenever using a ski lift, you never know. ~ avalanche719
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Too bad the wolves didn't eat first grade Dan, they would've been full and Lynch wouldn't have had to die. ~ avalanche719
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Don't have sex with your buddy's girlfriend even if it's just to keep warm. Man law, dude. ~ avalanche719
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Even after being repeatedly told about not scratching frostbite, some people will still scratch it. ~ avalanche719
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Don't go skiing/snowboarding on the last day the resort is open. ~ avalanche719
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Ski resorts don't do a check at night to make sure everyone's gone. They just want to leave early. They don't make sure everyone's left, and expect everyone to have left the parking lot within a matter of minutes. Then turn off all power. ~ avalanche719
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Listen to your surroundings before taking a dive. ~ avalanche719
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When you have a lighter never use it to start a fire and keep the wolves away. Let them eat you. ~ avalanche719
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If you're wearing ski boots, don't use your skis; sit on the snowboard like a sled and slide down. ~ avalanche719
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Women get worse frostbite than men. ~ avalanche719
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If you're concerned about your girlfriend witnessing you getting eaten alive, yell "Don't let her look" in between screams, gnashing of teeth, and tearing of flesh. ~ avalanche719
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Fortune favors the one who just sits there for most of the movie. ~ avalanche719
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Shannon is still waiting for Joe's call. ~ avalanche719
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If you don't want your girlfriend to spend all your money bribing the ski lift operator, don't give her all your money. ~ avalanche719
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Replacements for minimum-wage ski lift operators are hard to come by and the schedules for workers reflect this. No, you are not going to your brother's wedding. ~ avalanche719
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The "bad storm" wasn't that bad. Damn over reacting ski resort management. ~ avalanche719
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When a hungry pack of wolves makes a kill, they will leave perfectly good morsels behind, like a nice juicy hand. ~ avalanche719
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Buy waterproof ski pants so when you piss yourself the piss runs down your legs instead of making a visible mess. ~ avalanche719
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Frat guys are always a threat. Always. Even when she's the one. ~ avalanche719
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You can only use a ski pole as a weapon once. ~ avalanche719
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When skiing and snowboarding, be sure you NEVER bring your cell phone. ~ Onthinice
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When the snowplow guy comes up, make sure you don't all yell really loud in unison, because there's a chance he might actually hear that. ~ Onthinice
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Make sure you JUMP from the chairlift instead of hanging from it and falling, because you really want to get that maximum impact when you hit. ~ Onthinice
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Be sure to rip all the skin off your hand by tearing it from the bar, because there's no way the sun is going to come out in a couple hours and melt the ice or anything. ~ Onthinice
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It's a fact - wolves will hang around closed ski slopes hoping 3 dimwits will get stuck in a chairlift rather than walk for a mile and raid the dumpsters at the restaurant right up the hill. ~ Onthinice
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