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Grown Ups

Last Updated
06/26/10
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avalanche719
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#1

Every group has to have a rich guy, fat guy, hippie guy, horny guy, and black guy. ~ avalanche719
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  • Or a couple of them at least but yeah mainly true. ~ Andershp

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#2

The best way to check out a woman's ass is to watch in shifts with your buddies. ~ avalanche719
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    #3

    People stay upset about losing a basketball game thirty years ago. ~ avalanche719
    Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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      #4

      It is possible to make a movie where the actors just make fun of each other and make a profit. ~ HermanoBluth
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        #5

        Kids born ten years ago don't know what a regular television looks like. ~ avalanche719
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          #6

          If you recently got laid off, its okay to rent a caddy for a weekend and put 20 food orders on your credit card. Nothing bad can happen right? ~ avalanche719
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            #7

            If the ugly daughter also confirms that nothing happened, nothing happened. ~ avalanche719
            Rating: 2 (+3/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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              #8

              The best way to get a guy to come over is to do a pole dance around an umbrella. ~ avalanche719
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                #9

                Sometimes you have to let other people know what it feels like to win so others can know what it feels like to lose. ~ avalanche719
                Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

                • Or it's an exuse you can use everytime you lose. ~ Andershp

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                #10

                A bug zapper can effectively cook bacon. ~ avalanche719
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                  #11

                  Opera is appropriate at a funeral. So is laughing at it. ~ avalanche719
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                  #12

                  Birds can be nursed back to health with breast milk. ~ avalanche719
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                    #13

                    There are no consequences for pushing a water park ride operator down the slide. ~ avalanche719
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                      #14

                      When having daughters sometimes the third time is not the charm, but the first and second time is just perfect... especially the first. ~ Shiv
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                        #15

                        4 year olds still breast feed. ~ coolme16405
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                        • I found it really annoying, the kid wasen't funny just "give me milk" all the time. + It was a little disturbing seeing a 4 year old breastfeed. ~ Andershp

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                        #16

                        Water parks have no regulations for zip lines. ~ avalanche719
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                          #17

                          David Spade wishes he could get girls. ~ avalanche719
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                            #18

                            Arrow roulette looks awesome. ~ avalanche719
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                              #19

                              Don't let the vegan cook breakfast. ~ avalanche719
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                                #20

                                Instead of saying 'no' and eating the cake as planned, little fat girls will crush the cake with their hands and scream when told to use a fork. ~ avalanche719
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                                  #21

                                  Chris Rock is kind of a p*ssy. ~ avalanche719
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                                    #22

                                    Instead of admitting that you have a nanny, when everyone obviously knows you're rich, play her off as a foreign exchange student. ~ avalanche719
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                                      #23

                                      You can't bang your buddies daughter but you can check them out all you want. ~ avalanche719
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                                        #24

                                        Everyone just assumes David Spade is gay. ~ avalanche719
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                                          #25

                                          If your husband's cooking sucks, just bring home a pizza every day. ~ avalanche719
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                                            #26

                                            You can learn to speak Chinese just by watching a Chinese cooking show. ~ avalanche719
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                                              #27

                                              Don't expect small town restaurants to have special bottled water. ~ avalanche719
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                                                #28

                                                Mispronouncing the name of a bottled water repeatedly is not funny. ~ avalanche719
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                                                • I found it hilarious...until I got sober. ~ Andershp

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                                                #29

                                                Never leave your phone around your wife. People should know this. ~ avalanche719
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                                                • So, so true, when will men ever learn? ~ Andershp

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                                                #30

                                                If you can't stay with a woman your age, get married to someone 40 years older than you. ~ coolme16405
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                                                  #31

                                                  Conflicts are always solved in 2-3 minutes and everyone will be happy. ~ Andershp
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                                                    #32

                                                    Some movies have absolutely no conflict. ~ Kikkomannrice
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                                                      #33

                                                      There is a dye in pools that turns urine blue. ~ The Other You
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                                                        #34

                                                        Your wife seeing a muscular, fit guy during the daytime equals you getting laid at night. ~ avalanche719
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                                                          #35

                                                          You can stop a kid from breastfeeding by shoving a carton of milk in is face. ~ avalanche719
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                                                            #36

                                                            A fat guy can fall hard on top of a bird and the bird will recover in three days. ~ avalanche719
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                                                              #37

                                                              I cannot listen to the Pina Colada song again without throwing up in my mouth a little. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                #38

                                                                When white people see Chris Rock walk into a store, they run. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                  #39

                                                                  Don't bring your one single friend to your family vacation lakehouse. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                    #40

                                                                    After eating a bucket of KFC, you have to wear said bucket on your head. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                      #41

                                                                      Fried Chicken is still good with dead guy ash on it. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                        #42

                                                                        If you want to stare at a girl's ass all day, take the spark plugs out of her engine. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                          #43

                                                                          No one will catch you sneaking onto a water park ride even when the place is crowded. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                            #44

                                                                            Don't use swimming metaphors for sex around kids. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                              #45

                                                                              Sure some cougars are hot but you gotta draw a line somewhere and realize you're banging ugly grannies. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                                #46

                                                                                When you reach a certain age, farts just aren't funny anymore. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                                  #47

                                                                                  Mothers are the tooth fairy all along?! ~ avalanche719
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                                                                                  • I think the act was way overdramatic anyone else agree? ~ Andershp

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                                                                                  #48

                                                                                  Don't go water skiing with Kevin James, well unless you don't want to use your boat anymore. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                                    #49

                                                                                    Slapping someone across the face with a dehydrated banana is good quality entertainment! ~ TiffYG2133
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                                                                                      #50

                                                                                      Children will complain if anything dies, even little annoying bugs. ~ Andershp
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                                                                                        #51

                                                                                        You don't have to apologize for kicking you're friend in the nuts 2 times, and falsely accusing him of sleeping with you're daughter. ~ Andershp
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                                                                                          #52

                                                                                          Somebody kill that dog! ~ Andershp
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                                                                                            #53

                                                                                            Wasted means getting drunk if you are an adult, and getting ice-cream if you are a kid. Lets get wasted kids!!! ~ Andershp
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                                                                                              #54

                                                                                              Steve Buscemi is going to die soon. ~ Kikkomannrice
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                                                                                                #55

                                                                                                Forgetting how to skip rocks is a perfectly valid reason to cancel any important trips you have planned. ~ The Other You
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                                                                                                  #56

                                                                                                  When swinging from a rope near a lake always remember to let go. ~ The Other You
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                                                                                                    #57

                                                                                                    You know you're getting old when you complain about kids never going outside to play. ~ The Other You
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                                                                                                      #58

                                                                                                      Granny overboard is 200 points. ~ The Other You
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                                                                                                        #59

                                                                                                        Seskatchatone is up in Canada eh! ~ The Other You
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                                                                                                          #60

                                                                                                          Thursday is Grey's anatomy. ~ The Other You
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                                                                                                            #61

                                                                                                            Never kick with your arrow foot. ~ The Other You
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                                                                                                              #62

                                                                                                              I wanna get chocolate wasted. ~ tina270
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                                                                                                                #63

                                                                                                                Beware: David Spade will walk through your house butt naked. ~ PointMan528491
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                                                                                                                  #64

                                                                                                                  I'm going to smack my kids if they act like Sandler's little douches. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                                                                    #65

                                                                                                                    Steve Buscemi in a body cast is not as funny as you'd think. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                                                                      #66

                                                                                                                      It's better to put the dog down than clip his vocal cords...he sounds like he's got a massive hairball!!! ~ TiffYG2133
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                                                                                                                        #67

                                                                                                                        Bunions are not funny, they're disgusting. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                                                                          #68

                                                                                                                          If you're rich, you can slap people in the face with fruit. ~ avalanche719
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                                                                                                                            #69

                                                                                                                            Find out if other people plan to be drinking a lot before you start taking shots by yourself. ~ avalanche719
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