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Underarchiever National Guard units get assignments in top secret sites. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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There is always one mutant cannibal who will help you escape for no reason. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If something doesn't seem right in a camp, leave an undisciplined guy and a woman busy with the radio behind. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If you have only one magazine, waste bullets with automatic fire. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If you know that you are stalked by killers, encumber yourself with the lifeless body of your superior. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Blind mutants shoot better than National Guard soldiers. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Mutants are immune to brain damage, but will die instantly if stabbed in the throat. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Cannibalistic beasts are perfectly able to operate laptops. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Mutants will only steal your rifle, they won't use it against you unless they are visually impaired. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If you're young and attractive you should never use your helmet or have your bulletproof vest on to hide your looks. Dying with style is better than dying tacky. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If you spend hours in a latrine pit covered with waste, it's the infection that will kill you. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Assault rifles will do you no good in the mountains, rocks are much more effective. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Use your bayonet only if you are out of ammo. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Old explosives have triggers attached to them, it's how they lasted so long. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Brutish mutants can sneak behind your back undetected. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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People have no trouble walking after being bounced against rocks. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Mutants just want to impregnate your women. ~ IcyNeko
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You don't bleed to death when your impossibly long tongue is bitten off, and you can still talk afterwards. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If you are a monster who keeps women alive just to impregnate them and have babies, it makes more sense to you to kill them after the birth instead of just impregnating them again. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Wes Craven can't do sequels. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Don't freak out. Don't freak out. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Only women capable of being fashion models make the army. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Not only do bulletproof vests go unused, but it's your own soldiers bullets that will kill you. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Training environments for National Guardsmen include real explosives and real firing. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Let go of the spoon of the grenade before you know the door can be breached. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Military grooming standards are not in effect for National Guardsmen, apparently. (Napoleon's hair is way longer than regulation.) ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Colonels go unescorted around the desert. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If the black guy dies, relinquish all command to the other black guy. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Sometimes the fastest way out is through the kitchen. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Women held captive to birth mutant children have no time for pedicures. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Rats love the taste of insulation. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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No president has told the truth since Truman. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Shit stinks because it's full of pathogens. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If the Army says the area isn't radioactive, it's probably radioactive. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Had there been an Asian in the group, this movie would've met PC standards. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Defending your country means shitting behind a cactus and having to wipe your ass with your hand. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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You can get a court martial over a porta potty. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Don't bother going back for your helmet. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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There's a hand in the shitter. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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You're better off deaf than dead. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Always keep an eye on the extra ropes. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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Mexicans should not be allowed to handle dynamite. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If you're surrounded by psychopath mutants and you hear a strange noise you should always assume "it's just the wind." ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If you run out of ammo and need to reload your gun, you should never take the guns of your dead enemies; the best thing to do is to use your empty gun as a beating stick. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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If you are trapped in a place were dangerous cannibals live, you should still ALWAYS pee alone. Letting other people watch you pee is still gross no matter where you are. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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After just being attacked and having a number of your group killed, the best thing to do is go pee where nobody can see you, without telling anyone you're leaving. ~ Kissy Suzuka
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