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If you throw up on the job, you can go home early. ~ Adam
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It's always a good idea to verify with your employer that the bodies you will be putting in to the coffins are going to be dead bodies! ~ TiffYG2133
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Rocks can be meaningful mementos. ~ TiffYG2133
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Forgot it was your anniversary? Quick, grab that rock from the front lawn and give it to your spouse. You now have a fantastic explanation for why it's a sentimental gift. ~ Adam
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The best way to get people to respond to your advertisement is to bait and switch with the old 'typo' excuse. ~ Adam
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Hopefully the wife who left you normal and then returns pregnant didn't meet anyone in-between. ~ Adam
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If you're demonstrating a procedure that involves anal probing and the camera can't actually see that angle, probe the still-alive model anyway.
~ Adam
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Rice tastes better in the suburbs. ~ Adam
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Nobody goes to the orchestra in Tokyo. ~ Adam
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If you ask your wife to leave everything and move to the suburbs with you to save money and she acts really cheerful about it, don't get suspicious and assume that she's upset underneath it all. ~ Adam
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Dead chickens and rotting old lady corpses have a lot in common. ~ Adam
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If a squid you bought from the grocery store is still alive, don't bother to try and rescue it. Just hammer the thing and eat it for dinner. ~ Adam
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Niche markets that no one wants to fill can be very profitable. ~ Adam
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Death solves all problems. ~ Adam
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Don't buy expensive job related tools unless you've been working at the job at least a little while. ~ Adam
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A good cello costs as much as a house(!) ~ Adam
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Never tell your wife if you're going to do anything outrageous, she'd just say no and spoil your fun. ~ Adam
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If you have an incriminating and INCREDIBLY embarrassing video, keep it lying around and don't burn it immediately. ~ Adam
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Surprise! It has 'the thing'! ~ rescated
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