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The Book Of Eli

Last Updated
01/17/10
Started By
Grayfire
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#1

Your iPod will stay charged for 31 years but after that you'll have to pay 3 wet naps and a lighter for a charger. ~ Sassy
Rating: 9 (+10/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

  • Because he totally never ever visited another town where he could charge his ipod in his 31 years of traveling ~ rayja

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#2

Young girls born after the nuclear war have a perfect complexion, nice hair and perfectly designed tight jeans. ~ Zho
Rating: 8 (+8/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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    #3

    If while reading the Bible you realize passages are missing, it's okay, Denzel just forgot the words. ~ PreyBeginning
    Rating: 7 (+7/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (2)


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    #4

    Anyone who says, "I don't want any trouble" will no doubt kill everyone in the room with post-apocalyptic karate. ~ PreyBeginning
    Rating: 7 (+7/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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      #5

      Rejoice when you find a dead body in the closet, a new pair of shoes is to be had. ~ Adam
      Rating: 7 (+7/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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        #6

        If you're going West and an evil and powerful man asks you where you're going, tell him you're going North, East, or South. ~ Adam
        Rating: 7 (+7/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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          #7

          Even though water and food are hard to come by, there will still be fuel to power the thugs' motorcycles and cars. ~ Grayfire
          Rating: 6 (+6/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

          • water is irradiated, food can no longer be produced. many died in the war, so theres a lot of old gas lying around ~ rayja

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          #8

          Elderly people have the most weapons. ~ Grayfire
          Rating: 6 (+6/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (2)

          • It is true with the elderly I know hehe. ~ Grayfire
          • That's probably true even today. ~ Adam

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          #9

          You can make a movie longer if you add plenty of slow-motion scenes of the actor/actress walking all cool. ~ Grayfire
          Rating: 6 (+6/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (3)

          • You notice this after watching this movie a second time, which is pretty cool. ~ Grayfire
          • the slow motion had a purpose. eli was blind, and the slow motion scenes had altered audio, representing how he interprets the world. how else do you think he kills piles of men without being able to see. super senses ho ~ rayja
          • I loved this movie. Just though I'd comment that somewhere in here. It made you think AND had good action scenes AND a good ending AND good effects and cinematography. ~ Grayfire

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          #10

          Even in a post-apocalyptic future product placement rules supreme. ~ Adam
          Rating: 6 (+6/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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            #11

            Never trust the woman who just got robbed on the side of the road. ~ Grayfire
            Rating: 5 (+5/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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              #12

              Even if you haven't brushed them in like 30 years, your teeth will still be pretty white...maybe that's the secret! ~ Sassy
              Rating: 5 (+5/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                #13

                When you see a stranded woman in trouble and she tells you to go and that she doesn't want you to help her, you should go immediately. ~ Sassy
                Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                  #14

                  When Eli says he left his glasses at the spring do not bother to go back, he is a liar. ~ Sassy
                  Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                    #15

                    A blind man can escape a guarded room without explanation, but if you let him escape, you get shot in the face. It's in the rules of guarding doors. ~ PreyBeginning
                    Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                      #16

                      Old ladies know what the f--- they are going to do. ~ FskChap
                      Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                        #17

                        Girls will always have skinny jeans, no matter what. ~ FskChap
                        Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                          #18

                          KFC moist towelettes will be the money of the future. ~ FskChap
                          Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                            #19

                            You can still be overweight when there is a shortage of food and water. ~ crtb
                            Rating: 4 (+5/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                              #20

                              From Rhode Island to San Francisco is 3300 miles. If it took you 30 years, you walked less than a mile a day (aprox. 1500 feet). ~ crtb
                              Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

                              • muh fuckas blind. did he start in rhode island? ~ rayja

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                              #21

                              When the world ends, what's left of it will be a mouse-eat-cat kind of world. ~ Grayfire
                              Rating: 3 (+4/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                #22

                                If you eat human flesh for awhile your hands shake, somehow letting everyone know you are a cannibal. ~ Grayfire
                                Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (2)

                                • Nice bit of information there. ~ Grayfire
                                • Cannibals can easily contract a disease known as Prion, which damages the nervous system, causing tremors. ~ Chyrux

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                                #23

                                Cannibals take pride in showing off their graveyards. ~ Grayfire
                                Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                  #24

                                  Cannibals are very fond of their cats. ~ Sassy
                                  Rating: 3 (+4/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                    #25

                                    Go west, it'll be all worth it. ~ Sassy
                                    Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                      #26

                                      Borderlands finally got the realistic graphics it promised... and Denzel Washington. ~ Rider
                                      Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                        #27

                                        If a man tells you "if you lay your hand on me, you won't get your hand back," DON'T TOUCH HIM! ~ PreyBeginning
                                        Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                          #28

                                          Always shower before you try to hijack someone. ~ Adam
                                          Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                            #29

                                            A blade can effectively parry a chainsaw. ~ Adam
                                            Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

                                            • That was about the most badass fight scene I've seen in awhile. ~ Grayfire

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                                            #30

                                            Villains of the future have no use for Oprah magazine. ~ Adam
                                            Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                              #31

                                              If you're walking on foot and being pursued by people with cars, always walk on or by the road. ~ Adam
                                              Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                #32

                                                Taking cover behind a old wooden house's wall will protect you during a hail of machinegun fire. ~ journeyman
                                                Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                  #33

                                                  Although a book written in Braille is approximately 10 times longer than a standard book, Eli's Bible is only a few hundred pages long. ~ Zho
                                                  Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                    #34

                                                    Anita Ward survived the Apocalypse by releasing records in the late 1970's that can be played on a record player made in the early 20th century. ~ Zho
                                                    Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                      #35

                                                      Humans walk an average of 3 miles an hour, or 1 mile every 20 minutes. With 1 mile having 5,280 feet, this would mean that Eli only spent 5 minutes a day walking west. ~ teakan
                                                      Rating: 3 (+4/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (4)

                                                      • Oh yeah very true! ~ Sassy
                                                      • As I said before, he was walking in slow-motion the entire time hehe. ~ Grayfire
                                                      • Ugh! I was trying 2 vote up and my hand slipped, there has gotta be a way 2 correct that. Contrary 2 my vote I think this is a great learning! ~ Sassy
                                                      • That is hillarious when u think about it, that doesn't make Eli amazing at all. ~ Sassy

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                                                      #36

                                                      It's not Parkinson's Disease... ~ Grayfire
                                                      Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                        #37

                                                        Being gut shot causes massive internal bleeding, but if you're on a mission from god, you can make it through a walk/ride/row to Alcatraz while being dehydrated, dictate the Bible from beginning to end before expiring, without being offered medical intervention by people equipped to do so. ~ Uncle Boat
                                                        Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                          #38

                                                          If you meant anything to Eli's journey to protect the Bible, then just like Eli, you would have a pair of sunglasses from a prestigious luxery brand in mint condition... If you didn't have sunglasses, then unfortunately for you, you would have a ridiculous pair of goggles and would be meaningless, with your life most likely ending in death by way of sharp blade, pistol, shotgun, or the precision shooting bow & arrow. ~ D Man
                                                          Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                            #39

                                                            Human corpses now make good bait for hunting. ~ Grayfire
                                                            Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                              #40

                                                              It is not just a BOOK!!! ~ Sassy
                                                              Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                #41

                                                                In order to write down what Eli has to say you're gonna need a LOT of paper... ~ Sassy
                                                                Rating: 2 (+3/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                  #42

                                                                  Never kill the leader first, always make every effort to kill the mindless thugs who might otherwise flee without their ringmaster. ~ Adam
                                                                  Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                    #43

                                                                    Fallout 3 no longer requires a video game. ~ Adam
                                                                    Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                      #44

                                                                      The Bible teaches you never to go out of your way to help an innocent person in need, unless of course that innocent person is Mila Kunis. ~ Adam
                                                                      Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                        #45

                                                                        Telling the stranger to "stop!" after he's already killed everyone in the bar will make you a hero. ~ Adam
                                                                        Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                          #46

                                                                          People who love violence are attracted to The Bible. ~ Adam
                                                                          Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                            #47

                                                                            Eli once worked at Kmart. ~ Adam
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                                                                              #48

                                                                              If you're living in a world where it's in your best interest to keep your Bible concealed, don't bother changing the incredibly obvious and descriptive binding on it. ~ Adam
                                                                              Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                #49

                                                                                A Zippo lighter and three KFC moist towelettes will get your battery charged. ~ FskChap
                                                                                Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                  #50

                                                                                  Contrary to popular belief, SPAM does not survive 1000 years. ~ journeyman
                                                                                  Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                    #51

                                                                                    Only humans have to wear sun glasses. Animals: cat's, dog's, and birds eyes are not affected by the sun's rays. ~ crtb
                                                                                    Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                      #52

                                                                                      After 30 years of misery, Gary Oldman still thinks he can have other villages built only with a Bible and doesn't consider manipulating his crowds by inventing some rubbish cult-babble. ~ Zho
                                                                                      Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                        #53

                                                                                        Dumbledore had a headache. ~ ChocolateSauce
                                                                                        Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                          #54

                                                                                          World without soap = Smelly hijackers! ~ D Man
                                                                                          Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                            #55

                                                                                            Even though the post-apocolyptic sun will blind you, it will do nothing to whatever skin you have exposed. ~ wolfgirl92
                                                                                            Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                              #56

                                                                                              Eli didn't have sex with Solara because he couldn't see her: it was the only plausible explanation available. ~ SiriusBart
                                                                                              Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                                #57

                                                                                                Even though the recovery of the entire world is depending on it, God will still make his Messiahs walk for 31 years in stead of offering him a car. ~ SiriusBart
                                                                                                Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                                  #58

                                                                                                  You can survive awhile if you are shot in the stomach. ~ Grayfire
                                                                                                  Rating: 1 (+2/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                                    #59

                                                                                                    Shampoo = The newest perfume ~ Grayfire
                                                                                                    Rating: 1 (+1/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                                                      #60

                                                                                                      One person's meal is another's pet. ~ Grayfire
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                                                                                                        #61

                                                                                                        Somehow you can fit a pretty good-sized bow into a normal-sized backpack. ~ Grayfire
                                                                                                        Rating: 1 (+1/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (2)

                                                                                                        • It didn't look collapsible to me. ~ Grayfire
                                                                                                        • there are such things as collapsible bows ~ rayja

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                                                                                                        #62

                                                                                                        Cat oil works just as well as chapstick. ~ Sassy
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                                                                                                          #63

                                                                                                          All blind men are good with weaponry. ~ mannerino
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                                                                                                            #64

                                                                                                            If you're a girl who unsuccessfully tried to trick a guy into his certain death, he's probably not going to take you along with him. ~ Adam
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                                                                                                              #65

                                                                                                              Always give up the location of your only point of leverage without any conditions whatsoever. That's the best way to negotiate. ~ Adam
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                                                                                                                #66

                                                                                                                If the trailer shows Mila Kunis asking Eli to "teach me" and then shows her throwing a grenade a moment later, assume she's asking to learn how to read, not fight. ~ Adam
                                                                                                                Rating: 1 (+1/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

                                                                                                                • That disappointed me. I wanted Mila Kunis to kick some butt. ~ Grayfire

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                                                                                                                #67

                                                                                                                When we rip a hole in the ozone and the sun burns everything.. eventually one day it will stop..and the sun will still shine. ~ lawrencev35
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                                                                                                                  #68

                                                                                                                  KFC wet naps are good for taking a bath! ~ lawrencev35
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                                                                                                                    #69

                                                                                                                    Elderly people will offer you tea and play the "Ring My Bell" song before trying to feed you sandwiches. ~ bigsexy707
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                                                                                                                      #70

                                                                                                                      The Carnegie library will survive the apocalypse, but not like we'll expect. ~ Uncle Boat
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                                                                                                                        #71

                                                                                                                        Cheddar Bob may not shoot himself in the post-apocalyptic world, but he questions the wrong guy to stand up for his pet, and for that, he is just as much of a fool in "The Book of Eli" as he was in "8 Mile"... ~ D Man
                                                                                                                        Rating: 1 (+1/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

                                                                                                                        • Haha, Cheddar Bob... ~ Adam

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                                                                                                                        #72

                                                                                                                        At least he didn't have to skin the hairless cat! ~ TiffYG2133
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                                                                                                                          #73

                                                                                                                          When Eli says the road is no place for you, listen he's right. ~ Sassy
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                                                                                                                            #74

                                                                                                                            He forced me to do it. ~ FskChap
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                                                                                                                              #75

                                                                                                                              Wetnaps are the currency of the future. ~ Uncle Boat
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                                                                                                                                #76

                                                                                                                                Only the Bible can bring good to the world, even though the Qu'ran and the Thora were never gone. Go Christians! ~ SiriusBart
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                                                                                                                                  #77

                                                                                                                                  Be sure to prioritize burning all the bibles over trying to meet basic survival needs. ~ Fitz
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                                                                                                                                    #78

                                                                                                                                    even though you are blind you walk in the heat of the day,because? ~ aj
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                                                                                                                                      #79

                                                                                                                                      In a post-apocalyptic world at least you can still eat pussy. ~ Fitz
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