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Anyone who says, "I don't want any trouble" will no doubt kill everyone in the room with post-apocalyptic karate. ~ PreyBeginning
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Young girls born after the nuclear war have a perfect complexion, nice hair and perfectly designed tight jeans. ~ Zho
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Your iPod will stay charged for 31 years but after that you'll have to pay 3 wet naps and a lighter for a charger. ~ Sassy
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Rejoice when you find a dead body in the closet, a new pair of shoes is to be had. ~ Adam
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If while reading the Bible you realize passages are missing, it's okay, Denzel just forgot the words. ~ PreyBeginning
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If you're going West and an evil and powerful man asks you where you're going, tell him you're going North, East, or South. ~ Adam
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Even though water and food are hard to come by, there will still be fuel to power the thugs' motorcycles and cars. ~ Grayfire
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You can make a movie longer if you add plenty of slow-motion scenes of the actor/actress walking all cool. ~ Grayfire
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KFC moist towelettes will be the money of the future. ~ FskChap
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If you're walking on foot and being pursued by people with cars, always walk on or by the road. ~ Adam
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From Rhode Island to San Francisco is 3300 miles. If it took you 30 years, you walked less than a mile a day (aprox. 1500 feet). ~ crtb
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Elderly people have the most weapons. ~ Grayfire
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Even in a post-apocalyptic future product placement rules supreme. ~ Adam
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If a man tells you "if you lay your hand on me, you won't get your hand back," DON'T TOUCH HIM! ~ PreyBeginning
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Girls will always have skinny jeans, no matter what. ~ FskChap
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Humans walk an average of 3 miles an hour, or 1 mile every 20 minutes. With 1 mile having 5,280 feet, this would mean that Eli only spent 5 minutes a day walking west. ~ teakan
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Even if you haven't brushed them in like 30 years, your teeth will still be pretty white...maybe that's the secret! ~ Sassy
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Telling the stranger to "stop!" after he's already killed everyone in the bar will make you a hero. ~ Adam
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Being gut shot causes massive internal bleeding, but if you're on a mission from god, you can make it through a walk/ride/row to Alcatraz while being dehydrated, dictate the Bible from beginning to end before expiring, without being offered medical intervention by people equipped to do so. ~ Uncle Boat
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Only one black man survived the nuclear apocalypse. ~ avalanche719
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After the bible is printed it is justly put back on the shelf for the next generation to ignore again. ~ Mantaria
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Never trust the woman who just got robbed on the side of the road. ~ Grayfire
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Cannibals take pride in showing off their graveyards. ~ Grayfire
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When you see a stranded woman in trouble and she tells you to go and that she doesn't want you to help her, you should go immediately. ~ Sassy
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A blind man can escape a guarded room without explanation, but if you let him escape, you get shot in the face. It's in the rules of guarding doors. ~ PreyBeginning
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Old ladies know what the f--- they are going to do. ~ FskChap
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You can still be overweight when there is a shortage of food and water. ~ crtb
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After 30 years of misery, Gary Oldman still thinks he can have other villages built only with a Bible and doesn't consider manipulating his crowds by inventing some rubbish cult-babble. ~ Zho
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If you eat human flesh for awhile your hands shake, somehow letting everyone know you are a cannibal. ~ Grayfire
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When Eli says he left his glasses at the spring do not bother to go back, he is a liar. ~ Sassy
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A blade can effectively parry a chainsaw. ~ Adam
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The Bible teaches you never to go out of your way to help an innocent person in need, unless of course that innocent person is Mila Kunis. ~ Adam
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Villains of the future have no use for Oprah magazine. ~ Adam
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People who love violence are attracted to The Bible. ~ Adam
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Although a book written in Braille is approximately 10 times longer than a standard book, Eli's Bible is only a few hundred pages long. ~ Zho
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Anita Ward survived the Apocalypse by releasing records in the late 1970's that can be played on a record player made in the early 20th century. ~ Zho
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It's not Parkinson's Disease... ~ Grayfire
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Dumbledore had a headache. ~ ChocolateSauce
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Eli didn't have sex with Solara because he couldn't see her: it was the only plausible explanation available. ~ SiriusBart
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Even though the recovery of the entire world is depending on it, God will still make his Messiahs walk for 31 years in stead of offering him a car. ~ SiriusBart
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Old people get pissed when you ignore their yard signs. ~ avalanche719
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When the world ends, what's left of it will be a mouse-eat-cat kind of world. ~ Grayfire
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Human corpses now make good bait for hunting. ~ Grayfire
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Cannibals are very fond of their cats. ~ Sassy
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It is not just a BOOK!!! ~ Sassy
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In order to write down what Eli has to say you're gonna need a LOT of paper... ~ Sassy
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Go west, it'll be all worth it. ~ Sassy
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Borderlands finally got the realistic graphics it promised... and Denzel Washington. ~ Rider
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Always shower before you try to hijack someone. ~ Adam
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Never kill the leader first, always make every effort to kill the mindless thugs who might otherwise flee without their ringmaster. ~ Adam
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Eli once worked at Kmart. ~ Adam
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If you're living in a world where it's in your best interest to keep your Bible concealed, don't bother changing the incredibly obvious and descriptive binding on it. ~ Adam
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If the trailer shows Mila Kunis asking Eli to "teach me" and then shows her throwing a grenade a moment later, assume she's asking to learn how to read, not fight. ~ Adam
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KFC wet naps are good for taking a bath! ~ lawrencev35
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Taking cover behind a old wooden house's wall will protect you during a hail of machinegun fire. ~ journeyman
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If you meant anything to Eli's journey to protect the Bible, then just like Eli, you would have a pair of sunglasses from a prestigious luxery brand in mint condition... If you didn't have sunglasses, then unfortunately for you, you would have a ridiculous pair of goggles and would be meaningless, with your life most likely ending in death by way of sharp blade, pistol, shotgun, or the precision shooting bow & arrow. ~ D Man
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World without soap = Smelly hijackers! ~ D Man
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Even though the post-apocolyptic sun will blind you, it will do nothing to whatever skin you have exposed. ~ wolfgirl92
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It seems counterproductive to have a "No Trespassing" sign when people "trespassing" are your main food source. ~ avalanche719
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A nuclear war will kill all animals except cats. ~ avalanche719
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Shampoo = The newest perfume ~ Grayfire
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One person's meal is another's pet. ~ Grayfire
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Cat oil works just as well as chapstick. ~ Sassy
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Fallout 3 no longer requires a video game. ~ Adam
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Always give up the location of your only point of leverage without any conditions whatsoever. That's the best way to negotiate. ~ Adam
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A Zippo lighter and three KFC moist towelettes will get your battery charged. ~ FskChap
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Contrary to popular belief, SPAM does not survive 1000 years. ~ journeyman
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Only humans have to wear sun glasses. Animals: cat's, dog's, and birds eyes are not affected by the sun's rays. ~ crtb
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Cheddar Bob may not shoot himself in the post-apocalyptic world, but he questions the wrong guy to stand up for his pet, and for that, he is just as much of a fool in "The Book of Eli" as he was in "8 Mile"... ~ D Man
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When faced with prostitutes, the average guy's biggest fear is how much their services might cost him, not whether they might have any diseases. This despite the fact that medical care has been virtually extinct for the past 30 years. ~ avalanche719
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If you're worried about the annoying, clingy girl's safety, it's best to lock her up in a cave where she will starve to death. At least it has a natural water reservoir, so she won't have to die thirsty. ~ avalanche719
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In the US where every hotel room has a Bible on the nightstand, where almost every home has a copy of it, where they sell copies in every bookshop and have copies in every church, prayer group and library, you will easily save a Quran and a Torah, but you'll have to wait 31 years before some guy stumbles on a Braille Bible and manages to learn it by heart. ~ Eibhlinn Savage
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You can survive awhile if you are shot in the stomach. ~ Grayfire
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Somehow you can fit a pretty good-sized bow into a normal-sized backpack. ~ Grayfire
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All blind men are good with weaponry. ~ mannerino
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If you're a girl who unsuccessfully tried to trick a guy into his certain death, he's probably not going to take you along with him. ~ Adam
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When we rip a hole in the ozone and the sun burns everything.. eventually one day it will stop..and the sun will still shine. ~ lawrencev35
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Elderly people will offer you tea and play the "Ring My Bell" song before trying to feed you sandwiches. ~ bigsexy707
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Wetnaps are the currency of the future. ~ Uncle Boat
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The Carnegie library will survive the apocalypse, but not like we'll expect. ~ Uncle Boat
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Only the Bible can bring good to the world, even though the Qu'ran and the Thora were never gone. Go Christians! ~ SiriusBart
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At least he didn't have to skin the hairless cat! ~ TiffYG2133
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Some grenades will just throw a man back while others will destroy an ice cream truck. ~ avalanche719
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Don't leave machetes on the dashboard. ~ avalanche719
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While three KFC wetnaps and a zippo will get your battery charge, it'll cost you an afghan and a pair of leather gloves to get your canteen filled. ~ avalanche719
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A shopowner will happily do business with you after you disarm him, point the weapon at him, and give it back. ~ avalanche719
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Old guys get a little cocky when you ask if they have any weapons. ~ avalanche719
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A convoy of vehicles must certainly equal a band of armed degenerates, there's no way it could possibly be the mailman or Schwanns guy. ~ avalanche719
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After your fellow raider has been shot in the dick with an arrow, just stand up and look around like an idiot. Danger is probably gone right? ~ avalanche719
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I'd probably eat my wife if she considered "Ring My Bell" good music. ~ avalanche719
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K-Mart must teach it's employees some bad-ass survival skills. ~ avalanche719
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Hungry or not, don’t accept sandwiches from kindly old people dressed in safari gear. ~ avalanche719
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Apparently going back to a town of rapists, criminals, and idiots is better than staying alive in the best and safest place you've ever seen in your entire life. ~ avalanche719
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When trying to get into an unlocked house, stand off to the side of the immediate entrance. ~ avalanche719
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If you're going to commit suicide over the bleak state the world is in, it's best to kill yourself tucked away in the closet. That way you won't immediately upset any looter who comes to trash your house after you're dead. ~ avalanche719
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The Bible brought back after a struggle of 3 decades will be stored in a library located in an island where nobody is allowed in. That will certainly make full use of the book. ~ virendra
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Don't be like Eli and forget your Pip-Boy 3000, which lead to his demise due to his inability to look at his effects tab and apply stimpack to crippled torso, thus would have saved his life, and he would have been able to gain that xp and karma for completing that task... Now about his carry weight... I know! He took Strong Back! ~ Lordlogic
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Just once I would like Eli to look at Solara and Say "SHUT UP MEG!!!" ~ john2012
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I guess if God can feed 5000 with a few fish and some bread he can multiply the bullets in Eli's pistol. He must have fired 25 shots in town without reloading. ~ john2012
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When Eli says the road is no place for you, listen he's right. ~ Sassy
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He forced me to do it. ~ FskChap
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Be sure to prioritize burning all the bibles over trying to meet basic survival needs. ~ Fitz
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even though you are blind you walk in the heat of the day,because? ~ aj
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Save your swimming goggles for the nuclear apocalypse. ~ avalanche719
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Blind men don't care that you're showing some boobage. ~ avalanche719
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Despite having tons of modern and fully automatic weapons, some people will still answer the door with a shotgun. ~ avalanche719
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Nobody else in town tried to search for the water source, they all just accepted their fate and paid for it. ~ avalanche719
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An afghan is only worth half a canteen. ~ avalanche719
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If you're taking cover, make sure you're not in a place where one of your dumbass goons might run by. ~ avalanche719
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In order to fire a gatling gun, you must make several grunts. ~ avalanche719
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After your companion is deceased, take all his clothing and gear and start your own journey. ~ avalanche719
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Some settlements are armed with crappy rifles, shotguns, and sparse assault rifles while at others all guards are armed with M4 Carbines. Makes me think of Megaton vs Rivet City. ~ avalanche719
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In preparation to recite the whole Bible, you're going to want a clean shave, a hair cut, and a fresh set of clothes. ~ avalanche719
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After visiting the graveyard, people think you'll want some sandwiches. ~ avalanche719
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Dead bodies are good for the soil even though any hope of plant life has been eradicated by nuclear apocalypse. ~ avalanche719
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It would really suck to play chess blind or with a blind person. ~ avalanche719
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Solara doesn't remember how to end a prayer despite hearing it hours before. ~ avalanche719
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Unopened moist towelettes stay moist after 30+ years. ~ avalanche719
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Getting your hand chopped off will make you say crazy things like "kiss him" when you really mean "kill him". ~ avalanche719
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Malcolm McDowell's hand must be tired! ~ avalanche719
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Walking by faith and not by sight means you know something even if you don't know something. ~ avalanche719
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When a guy has killed tons of your men and kept you chasing him, you'll just shoot him in the stomach. Not going for a 100% killshot or anything. ~ avalanche719
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While everything else is dirty and grimy, hotel shampoo remains in prestine condition. ~ avalanche719
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Nuclear war will destroy whole cities and civilizations yet only put a gap in the golden gate bridge. ~ avalanche719
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F*ck the good china, there's armed degenerates we can eat. ~ avalanche719
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If worse comes to worst, you can patch yourself up with some KFC wipes and duct tape. ~ avalanche719
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Always keep your nametag from your place of employment, its great memorabilia. ~ avalanche719
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You can survive a fallout from a nuclear blast but getting shot in the leg is going to cost ya. ~ avalanche719
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Another band of raiders picked up the lady with the broken shopping cart and moved her a few miles west of where she previously was. ~ avalanche719
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Pay attention to the road in front of you when traveling on bridges, that way you won't have to slam the brakes so hard. ~ avalanche719
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Even armored station wagons still aren't bad ass. ~ avalanche719
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Apparently the best currency is chapstick or "toys." ~ avalanche719
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Abandoned nuclear reactors are a comfortable place to stay for the night. ~ avalanche719
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Nobody knows how to read after a nuclear apocalypse. They don't know what a TV is either. ~ avalanche719
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Clouds move extremely fast after a nuclear apocalypse. ~ avalanche719
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Saying 'Grace' over food is so moving, it convinces you to abandon your home and your blind mother to tag along with a dangerous man you just met. ~ avalanche719
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Working for the bad guy pays off until Eli shows up. Free food, drinks, and women, what's not to like? ~ avalanche719
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Bombs are conveniently the same size and shape as a book when you need it. ~ avalanche719
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When discovering a bomb just drop it instead of throwing it back where it came from. ~ avalanche719
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When all else fails, break out the RPG and gatling gun. ~ avalanche719
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Funny... If the world had listened to the bible's teachings in the first place there would never have been a war! ~ Mantaria
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A single grenade has the ability to flip and destroy a heavily armored vehicle. ~ Mantaria
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Ocean going tankers are destroyed in the blast but you can always find a rowboat in great condition when you need one. ~ Mantaria
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Mila Kunis ruins every movie she's in. ~ CasablancaDon
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There will be two sequels telling us how the Quran and the Torah were brought back by the man with no legs and the man with no hands respectively. ~ virendra
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The only way to spot a cannibal is to check their hands to see if they shake. ~ AJwest
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There was only 1 song on the iPod on repeat: California Girl by Katy Perry. ~ pikasneeze
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Doesn't Redridge know not to threaten the guy who just killed 8 people in your bar and tell him it is not a choice? There is always a choice. ~ john2012
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In a post-apocalyptic world at least you can still eat pussy. ~ Fitz
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God had to intervene to help Eli because he was afraid humanity might not find a Buybull to help future idiots justify another apocalypse. ~ Thalidomide Squid
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