#1

Anyone who says, "I don't want any trouble" will no doubt kill everyone in the room with post-apocalyptic karate. ~ PreyBeginning
Rating: 15 (+15/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

D*mn! You said this before me! I was thinking the same exact thing. ~ Jonny Penn

#2

Young girls born after the nuclear war have a perfect complexion, nice hair and perfectly designed tight jeans. ~ Zho
Rating: 14 (+14/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)

#3

Your iPod will stay charged for 31 years but after that you'll have to pay 3 wet naps and a lighter for a charger. ~ Sassy
Rating: 13 (+15/-2) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (2)

I didnt think they were wet naps, I think they were sauce packets ~ Jonny Penn
Because he totally never ever visited another town where he could charge his ipod in his 31 years of traveling ~ rayja

#4

Rejoice when you find a dead body in the closet, a new pair of shoes is to be had. ~ Adam
Rating: 13 (+13/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)

#5

If while reading the Bible you realize passages are missing, it's okay, Denzel just forgot the words. ~ PreyBeginning
Rating: 12 (+12/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (2)

Thanks Sassy. =) ~ PreyBeginning
That was great lol ~ Sassy

#6

If you're going West and an evil and powerful man asks you where you're going, tell him you're going North, East, or South. ~ Adam
Rating: 11 (+11/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)

#7

Even though water and food are hard to come by, there will still be fuel to power the thugs' motorcycles and cars. ~ Grayfire
Rating: 10 (+10/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

water is irradiated, food can no longer be produced. many died in the war, so theres a lot of old gas lying around ~ rayja

#8

You can make a movie longer if you add plenty of slow-motion scenes of the actor/actress walking all cool. ~ Grayfire
Rating: 10 (+11/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (3)

You notice this after watching this movie a second time, which is pretty cool. ~ Grayfire
the slow motion had a purpose. eli was blind, and the slow motion scenes had altered audio, representing how he interprets the world. how else do you think he kills piles of men without being able to see. super senses ho ~ rayja
I loved this movie. Just though I'd comment that somewhere in here. It made you think AND had good action scenes AND a good ending AND good effects and cinematography. ~ Grayfire

#9

KFC moist towelettes will be the money of the future. ~ FskChap
Rating: 9 (+9/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

Start collecting them now! ~ Eibhlinn Savage

#10

If you're walking on foot and being pursued by people with cars, always walk on or by the road. ~ Adam
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#11

From Rhode Island to San Francisco is 3300 miles. If it took you 30 years, you walked less than a mile a day (aprox. 1500 feet). ~ crtb
Rating: 9 (+10/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (3)

Umm he's blind! Not like he knows exactly where he's going, and he doesnt walk everyday, hes supposed to wander until he finds somewhere it belongs... ~ Lordlogic
Wow. This actually required math or research or something. Bravo. ~ Khenarthi
muh fuckas blind. did he start in rhode island? ~ rayja

#12

Elderly people have the most weapons. ~ Grayfire
Rating: 8 (+8/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (3)

Don't mess with Dumbledore regardless of what movie he is in. ~ john2012
It is true with the elderly I know hehe. ~ Grayfire
That's probably true even today. ~ Adam

#13

Even in a post-apocalyptic future product placement rules supreme. ~ Adam
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#14

If a man tells you "if you lay your hand on me, you won't get your hand back," DON'T TOUCH HIM! ~ PreyBeginning
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#15

Girls will always have skinny jeans, no matter what. ~ FskChap
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#16

Humans walk an average of 3 miles an hour, or 1 mile every 20 minutes. With 1 mile having 5,280 feet, this would mean that Eli only spent 5 minutes a day walking west. ~ teakan
Rating: 7 (+9/-2) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (4)

Oh yeah very true! ~ Sassy
As I said before, he was walking in slow-motion the entire time hehe. ~ Grayfire
Ugh! I was trying 2 vote up and my hand slipped, there has gotta be a way 2 correct that. Contrary 2 my vote I think this is a great learning! ~ Sassy
That is hillarious when u think about it, that doesn't make Eli amazing at all. ~ Sassy

#17

Even if you haven't brushed them in like 30 years, your teeth will still be pretty white...maybe that's the secret! ~ Sassy
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#18

Telling the stranger to "stop!" after he's already killed everyone in the bar will make you a hero. ~ Adam
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#19

Being gut shot causes massive internal bleeding, but if you're on a mission from god, you can make it through a walk/ride/row to Alcatraz while being dehydrated, dictate the Bible from beginning to end before expiring, without being offered medical intervention by people equipped to do so. ~ Uncle Boat
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#20

Only one black man survived the nuclear apocalypse. ~ avalanche719
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#21

After the bible is printed it is justly put back on the shelf for the next generation to ignore again. ~ Mantaria
Rating: 6 (+6/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

lol, I thought they made multiple copies until the end when he placed it on the shelf. ~ Jonny Penn

#22

Never trust the woman who just got robbed on the side of the road. ~ Grayfire
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#23

Cannibals take pride in showing off their graveyards. ~ Grayfire
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#24

When you see a stranded woman in trouble and she tells you to go and that she doesn't want you to help her, you should go immediately. ~ Sassy
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#25

A blind man can escape a guarded room without explanation, but if you let him escape, you get shot in the face. It's in the rules of guarding doors. ~ PreyBeginning
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#26

Old ladies know what the f--- they are going to do. ~ FskChap
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#27

You can still be overweight when there is a shortage of food and water. ~ crtb
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#28

After 30 years of misery, Gary Oldman still thinks he can have other villages built only with a Bible and doesn't consider manipulating his crowds by inventing some rubbish cult-babble. ~ Zho
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He knows the Bible enough to consider using it, but cannot remember the general gist of it to rewrite it. It only works with the exact original words anyway. ~ Eibhlinn Savage

#29

If you eat human flesh for awhile your hands shake, somehow letting everyone know you are a cannibal. ~ Grayfire
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Nice bit of information there. ~ Grayfire
Cannibals can easily contract a disease known as Prion, which damages the nervous system, causing tremors. ~ Chyrux

#30

When Eli says he left his glasses at the spring do not bother to go back, he is a liar. ~ Sassy
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#31

A blade can effectively parry a chainsaw. ~ Adam
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That was about the most badass fight scene I've seen in awhile. ~ Grayfire

#32

The Bible teaches you never to go out of your way to help an innocent person in need, unless of course that innocent person is Mila Kunis. ~ Adam
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#33

Villains of the future have no use for Oprah magazine. ~ Adam
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#34

People who love violence are attracted to The Bible. ~ Adam
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#35

Although a book written in Braille is approximately 10 times longer than a standard book, Eli's Bible is only a few hundred pages long. ~ Zho
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#36

Anita Ward survived the Apocalypse by releasing records in the late 1970's that can be played on a record player made in the early 20th century. ~ Zho
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#37

It's not Parkinson's Disease... ~ Grayfire
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#38

Dumbledore had a headache. ~ ChocolateSauce
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#39

Eli didn't have sex with Solara because he couldn't see her: it was the only plausible explanation available. ~ SiriusBart
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#40

Even though the recovery of the entire world is depending on it, God will still make his Messiahs walk for 31 years in stead of offering him a car. ~ SiriusBart
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#41

Old people get pissed when you ignore their yard signs. ~ avalanche719
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#42

When the world ends, what's left of it will be a mouse-eat-cat kind of world. ~ Grayfire
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#43

Human corpses now make good bait for hunting. ~ Grayfire
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#44

Cannibals are very fond of their cats. ~ Sassy
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#45

It is not just a BOOK!!! ~ Sassy
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#46

In order to write down what Eli has to say you're gonna need a LOT of paper... ~ Sassy
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#47

Go west, it'll be all worth it. ~ Sassy
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#48

Borderlands finally got the realistic graphics it promised... and Denzel Washington. ~ Rider
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#49

Always shower before you try to hijack someone. ~ Adam
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#50

Never kill the leader first, always make every effort to kill the mindless thugs who might otherwise flee without their ringmaster. ~ Adam
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#51

Eli once worked at Kmart. ~ Adam
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#52

If you're living in a world where it's in your best interest to keep your Bible concealed, don't bother changing the incredibly obvious and descriptive binding on it. ~ Adam
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#53

If the trailer shows Mila Kunis asking Eli to "teach me" and then shows her throwing a grenade a moment later, assume she's asking to learn how to read, not fight. ~ Adam
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That disappointed me. I wanted Mila Kunis to kick some butt. ~ Grayfire

#54

KFC wet naps are good for taking a bath! ~ lawrencev35
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#55

Taking cover behind a old wooden house's wall will protect you during a hail of machinegun fire. ~ journeyman
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#56

If you meant anything to Eli's journey to protect the Bible, then just like Eli, you would have a pair of sunglasses from a prestigious luxery brand in mint condition... If you didn't have sunglasses, then unfortunately for you, you would have a ridiculous pair of goggles and would be meaningless, with your life most likely ending in death by way of sharp blade, pistol, shotgun, or the precision shooting bow & arrow. ~ D Man
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#57

World without soap = Smelly hijackers! ~ D Man
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#58

Even though the post-apocolyptic sun will blind you, it will do nothing to whatever skin you have exposed. ~ wolfgirl92
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#59

It seems counterproductive to have a "No Trespassing" sign when people "trespassing" are your main food source. ~ avalanche719
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#60

A nuclear war will kill all animals except cats. ~ avalanche719
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#61

Shampoo = The newest perfume ~ Grayfire
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#62

One person's meal is another's pet. ~ Grayfire
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#63

Cat oil works just as well as chapstick. ~ Sassy
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#64

Fallout 3 no longer requires a video game. ~ Adam
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#65

Always give up the location of your only point of leverage without any conditions whatsoever. That's the best way to negotiate. ~ Adam
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#66

A Zippo lighter and three KFC moist towelettes will get your battery charged. ~ FskChap
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#67

Contrary to popular belief, SPAM does not survive 1000 years. ~ journeyman
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#68

Only humans have to wear sun glasses. Animals: cat's, dog's, and birds eyes are not affected by the sun's rays. ~ crtb
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#69

Cheddar Bob may not shoot himself in the post-apocalyptic world, but he questions the wrong guy to stand up for his pet, and for that, he is just as much of a fool in "The Book of Eli" as he was in "8 Mile"... ~ D Man
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Haha, Cheddar Bob... ~ Adam

#70

When faced with prostitutes, the average guy's biggest fear is how much their services might cost him, not whether they might have any diseases. This despite the fact that medical care has been virtually extinct for the past 30 years. ~ avalanche719
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#71

If you're worried about the annoying, clingy girl's safety, it's best to lock her up in a cave where she will starve to death. At least it has a natural water reservoir, so she won't have to die thirsty. ~ avalanche719
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#72

In the US where every hotel room has a Bible on the nightstand, where almost every home has a copy of it, where they sell copies in every bookshop and have copies in every church, prayer group and library, you will easily save a Quran and a Torah, but you'll have to wait 31 years before some guy stumbles on a Braille Bible and manages to learn it by heart. ~ Eibhlinn Savage
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#73

You can survive awhile if you are shot in the stomach. ~ Grayfire
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#74

Somehow you can fit a pretty good-sized bow into a normal-sized backpack. ~ Grayfire
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It didn't look collapsible to me. ~ Grayfire
there are such things as collapsible bows ~ rayja

#75

All blind men are good with weaponry. ~ mannerino
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#76

If you're a girl who unsuccessfully tried to trick a guy into his certain death, he's probably not going to take you along with him. ~ Adam
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#77

When we rip a hole in the ozone and the sun burns everything.. eventually one day it will stop..and the sun will still shine. ~ lawrencev35
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#78

Elderly people will offer you tea and play the "Ring My Bell" song before trying to feed you sandwiches. ~ bigsexy707
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#79

Wetnaps are the currency of the future. ~ Uncle Boat
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#80

The Carnegie library will survive the apocalypse, but not like we'll expect. ~ Uncle Boat
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#81

Only the Bible can bring good to the world, even though the Qu'ran and the Thora were never gone. Go Christians! ~ SiriusBart
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But the film states that all the bibles were deliberately destroyed after the "war" ~ Supertedred
Complete misunderstanding of the end of the film. At the end the twist is that it's not actually Christianity Eli was trying to save, but a piece of civilisation. We are to imagine that other people did their part by saving the Torah and Quran and Shakespeare and Byron and Dickens and so on, just like Eli did with the Bible. However, what I do find funny is that in the US where Bibles are in virtually every home and every hotel bedroom, there is apparently more chances to find a Quran and a Torah than a King James Bible... ~ Eibhlinn Savage

#82

At least he didn't have to skin the hairless cat! ~ TiffYG2133
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#83

Some grenades will just throw a man back while others will destroy an ice cream truck. ~ avalanche719
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#84

Don't leave machetes on the dashboard. ~ avalanche719
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#85

While three KFC wetnaps and a zippo will get your battery charge, it'll cost you an afghan and a pair of leather gloves to get your canteen filled. ~ avalanche719
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#86

A shopowner will happily do business with you after you disarm him, point the weapon at him, and give it back. ~ avalanche719
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#87

Old guys get a little cocky when you ask if they have any weapons. ~ avalanche719
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#88

A convoy of vehicles must certainly equal a band of armed degenerates, there's no way it could possibly be the mailman or Schwanns guy. ~ avalanche719
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#89

After your fellow raider has been shot in the dick with an arrow, just stand up and look around like an idiot. Danger is probably gone right? ~ avalanche719
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#90

I'd probably eat my wife if she considered "Ring My Bell" good music. ~ avalanche719
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#91

K-Mart must teach it's employees some bad-ass survival skills. ~ avalanche719
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#92

Hungry or not, don�t accept sandwiches from kindly old people dressed in safari gear. ~ avalanche719
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#93

Apparently going back to a town of rapists, criminals, and idiots is better than staying alive in the best and safest place you've ever seen in your entire life. ~ avalanche719
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#94

When trying to get into an unlocked house, stand off to the side of the immediate entrance. ~ avalanche719
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#95

If you're going to commit suicide over the bleak state the world is in, it's best to kill yourself tucked away in the closet. That way you won't immediately upset any looter who comes to trash your house after you're dead. ~ avalanche719
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#96

The Bible brought back after a struggle of 3 decades will be stored in a library located in an island where nobody is allowed in. That will certainly make full use of the book. ~ virendra
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#97

Don't be like Eli and forget your Pip-Boy 3000, which lead to his demise due to his inability to look at his effects tab and apply stimpack to crippled torso, thus would have saved his life, and he would have been able to gain that xp and karma for completing that task... Now about his carry weight... I know! He took Strong Back! ~ Lordlogic
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#98

Just once I would like Eli to look at Solara and Say "SHUT UP MEG!!!" ~ john2012
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#99

I guess if God can feed 5000 with a few fish and some bread he can multiply the bullets in Eli's pistol. He must have fired 25 shots in town without reloading. ~ john2012
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#100

When Eli says the road is no place for you, listen he's right. ~ Sassy
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#101

He forced me to do it. ~ FskChap
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#102

Be sure to prioritize burning all the bibles over trying to meet basic survival needs. ~ Fitz
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#103

even though you are blind you walk in the heat of the day,because? ~ aj
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#104

Save your swimming goggles for the nuclear apocalypse. ~ avalanche719
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#105

Blind men don't care that you're showing some boobage. ~ avalanche719
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#106

Despite having tons of modern and fully automatic weapons, some people will still answer the door with a shotgun. ~ avalanche719
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#107

Nobody else in town tried to search for the water source, they all just accepted their fate and paid for it. ~ avalanche719
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#108

An afghan is only worth half a canteen. ~ avalanche719
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#109

If you're taking cover, make sure you're not in a place where one of your dumbass goons might run by. ~ avalanche719
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#110

In order to fire a gatling gun, you must make several grunts. ~ avalanche719
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#111

After your companion is deceased, take all his clothing and gear and start your own journey. ~ avalanche719
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#112

Some settlements are armed with crappy rifles, shotguns, and sparse assault rifles while at others all guards are armed with M4 Carbines. Makes me think of Megaton vs Rivet City. ~ avalanche719
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#113

In preparation to recite the whole Bible, you're going to want a clean shave, a hair cut, and a fresh set of clothes. ~ avalanche719
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#114

After visiting the graveyard, people think you'll want some sandwiches. ~ avalanche719
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#115

Dead bodies are good for the soil even though any hope of plant life has been eradicated by nuclear apocalypse. ~ avalanche719
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#116

It would really suck to play chess blind or with a blind person. ~ avalanche719
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#117

Solara doesn't remember how to end a prayer despite hearing it hours before. ~ avalanche719
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#118

Unopened moist towelettes stay moist after 30+ years. ~ avalanche719
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#119

Getting your hand chopped off will make you say crazy things like "kiss him" when you really mean "kill him". ~ avalanche719
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#120

Malcolm McDowell's hand must be tired! ~ avalanche719
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#121

Walking by faith and not by sight means you know something even if you don't know something. ~ avalanche719
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#122

When a guy has killed tons of your men and kept you chasing him, you'll just shoot him in the stomach. Not going for a 100% killshot or anything. ~ avalanche719
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#123

While everything else is dirty and grimy, hotel shampoo remains in prestine condition. ~ avalanche719
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#124

Nuclear war will destroy whole cities and civilizations yet only put a gap in the golden gate bridge. ~ avalanche719
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#125

F*ck the good china, there's armed degenerates we can eat. ~ avalanche719
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#126

If worse comes to worst, you can patch yourself up with some KFC wipes and duct tape. ~ avalanche719
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#127

Always keep your nametag from your place of employment, its great memorabilia. ~ avalanche719
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#128

You can survive a fallout from a nuclear blast but getting shot in the leg is going to cost ya. ~ avalanche719
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#129

Another band of raiders picked up the lady with the broken shopping cart and moved her a few miles west of where she previously was. ~ avalanche719
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#130

Pay attention to the road in front of you when traveling on bridges, that way you won't have to slam the brakes so hard. ~ avalanche719
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#131

Even armored station wagons still aren't bad ass. ~ avalanche719
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#132

Apparently the best currency is chapstick or "toys." ~ avalanche719
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#133

Abandoned nuclear reactors are a comfortable place to stay for the night. ~ avalanche719
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#134

Nobody knows how to read after a nuclear apocalypse. They don't know what a TV is either. ~ avalanche719
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#135

Clouds move extremely fast after a nuclear apocalypse. ~ avalanche719
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#136

Saying 'Grace' over food is so moving, it convinces you to abandon your home and your blind mother to tag along with a dangerous man you just met. ~ avalanche719
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#137

Working for the bad guy pays off until Eli shows up. Free food, drinks, and women, what's not to like? ~ avalanche719
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#138

Bombs are conveniently the same size and shape as a book when you need it. ~ avalanche719
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#139

When discovering a bomb just drop it instead of throwing it back where it came from. ~ avalanche719
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#140

When all else fails, break out the RPG and gatling gun. ~ avalanche719
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#141

Funny... If the world had listened to the bible's teachings in the first place there would never have been a war! ~ Mantaria
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#142

A single grenade has the ability to flip and destroy a heavily armored vehicle. ~ Mantaria
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#143

Ocean going tankers are destroyed in the blast but you can always find a rowboat in great condition when you need one. ~ Mantaria
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#144

Mila Kunis ruins every movie she's in. ~ CasablancaDon
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#145

There will be two sequels telling us how the Quran and the Torah were brought back by the man with no legs and the man with no hands respectively. ~ virendra
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#146

The only way to spot a cannibal is to check their hands to see if they shake. ~ AJwest
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#147

There was only 1 song on the iPod on repeat: California Girl by Katy Perry. ~ pikasneeze
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#148

Doesn't Redridge know not to threaten the guy who just killed 8 people in your bar and tell him it is not a choice? There is always a choice. ~ john2012
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#149

In a post-apocalyptic world at least you can still eat pussy. ~ Fitz
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#150

God had to intervene to help Eli because he was afraid humanity might not find a Buybull to help future idiots justify another apocalypse. ~ Thalidomide Squid
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The Book Of Eli

the top 100

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