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Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Last Updated
09/01/11
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Adam
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#1

Habitat+zoo=100,000 apes ~ babofettdude
Rating: 9 (+9/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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    #2

    Even if you don't have the throat structure for speech, you can still learn to talk if you're smart enough. ~ Adam
    Rating: 7 (+7/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

    • Here I thought I was the only one a little bothered by that, since I took a semester of Human Evolution and we spent at least one full class on comparative throat structure. ~ kvn8907

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    #3

    Monkey habitats are a lot like todays prison systems. You have the new guy who gets beaten, guards, an exercise yard, daily meals, daily showers, the large prisoner who is always kept in isolation, males turned gay due to the non-existent account of females, a warden, visiting hours and occasional mass riots. ~ Redshirt1
    Rating: 6 (+6/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

    • APES. Monkeys are further down the evolutionary ladder, just above humans. ~ KungFuMasterLarry

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    #4

    If you're infected with a deadly new virus, keep it to yourself and don't tell anyone. Don't bother trying to get help immediately and let it spread to everyone you come into contact with. ~ agentdc7
    Rating: 6 (+6/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

    • In the scene where his fat coworker is like "Chimps have a great immune system. I, however, am coming down with a cold" or something to that effect, my response was "That has to be the shittiest, least secure company in the world. No one should trust that company with anything that can't be seen by the naked eye." ~ kvn8907

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    #5

    Giving Alzheimer's patients an extra five years of cogent life is considered a failure. ~ Adam
    Rating: 5 (+5/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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      #6

      The new guy is always picked on, even if he's a primate. ~ Adam
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        #7

        If the original version of a drug will never get approved, fast-track the much more aggressive version. ~ Adam
        Rating: 5 (+5/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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          #8

          The neighbor is a jerk for not wanting his neighbor's ape near his kids or for them to steal his car. He needs his finger bit off and infected with a deadly disease. ~ broham
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            #9

            It sucks to be James Franco's neighbor. ~ agentdc7
            Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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              #10

              Andy Serkis has quite an appetite for fingers. ~ Bugman
              Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                #11

                Smartness drugs will make you able to lead a rebellion TELEPATHICALLY! ~ KevyB
                Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

                • Yep. Even with the help of zoo primates that have never smelled a whiff of smart gas. ~ kvn8907

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                #12

                If you want to protect your newborn baby chimp, make sure to freak out and run everywhere in the room except for WHERE YOUR BABY ACTUALLY IS! ~ KevyB
                Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                  #13

                  If you were a super-intelligent ape, you'd want to so desperately live in a forest without fruit trees or any other type of food substance that not only would you cross the heavily-trafficked Golden Gate Bridge to get there, but you'd apparently pass right through tree-laden Golden Gate Park, possibly through tree-laden Lincoln Park and finally through the tree-laden Presidio, not to mention the gargantuan tree-laden foothills of the San Francisco Fish and Game Refuge bordering San Bruno WHERE THE PRIMATE SHELTER WAS LOCATED! ~ KevyB
                  Rating: 4 (+4/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

                  • Maybe he found a tree he really liked, grew attached to it, and named it. Called it Barkley. No other tree would do. ~ kvn8907

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                  #14

                  Our government is wholly unprepared for the chimp threat. ~ Adam
                  Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                    #15

                    Applying brain-enhancing therapy to animals (apes, sharks, dogs...) ALWAYS goes wrong. Virus-based gene therapy ends up either creating zombies or wiping out the human race... or both. ~ IkidUnot
                    Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

                    • When the scientist said he created an Alzheimer's cure, but as testing it on animals first, I nearly shouted at the screen, "What? Haven't you seen the movie Deep Blue Sea?" ~ kvn8907

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                    #16

                    Escaping a prison is best done at night, when nobody can see you. But escaping over the most famous bridge in the world should be done during the day, when there are lots of people crossing it. ~ KevyB
                    Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                      #17

                      You may have been perfectly in love for five years, but that doesn't mean you should ask your girlfriend to marry you... or to ever tell her the super-genius chimpanzee upstairs was a science experiment whose mother went on a violent spree in yet another form of that same experiment! ~ KevyB
                      Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                        #18

                        Being the CEO of a pharmaceutical company also means you are the CEO of the police helicopter. ~ KevyB
                        Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                          #19

                          Villains can't be both mean AND smart. ~ KevyB
                          Rating: 3 (+3/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                            #20

                            Chimps love cookies, especially Chips Ahoy. ~ Adam
                            Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                              #21

                              Simply being around the virus can grant eternal youth, hence James Franco's lack of aging. ~ Adam
                              Rating: 2 (+3/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                #22

                                Helicopters are no match for Kamikaze Kong! ~ Adam
                                Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                  #23

                                  Apes on ALZ can achieve more than Bradley Cooper on NZT. ~ IkidUnot
                                  Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                    #24

                                    If you put a sweater and pants on a chimpanzee, it (almost) looks human. ~ Lby54229
                                    Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                      #25

                                      Apes freed from a zoo by enhanced apes will become instantly smart too, but without the aid of the enhancing drug. ~ Bugman
                                      Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                        #26

                                        Don't use a cattle prod if you're standing in a puddle and a chimp is aiming a fire hose at you. ~ Bugman
                                        Rating: 2 (+3/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (1)

                                        • That advice is much too specific. ~ kvn8907

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                                        #27

                                        Every movie gets dumber after John Lithgow exits. ~ KevyB
                                        Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                          #28

                                          Apes will seem more human if you give them a more human eye color and then claim it's due to some ridiculous side effect. ~ KevyB
                                          Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                            #29

                                            If you plan to work in a laboratory with dangerous viruses, make sure to find one without a comprehensive quarantine plan if that virus gets out. You want to die in your own bed, right? ~ KevyB
                                            Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                              #30

                                              Scientists always approach things in an emotional manner, never a scientific one. ~ KevyB
                                              Rating: 2 (+2/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                #31

                                                Orangutans look hilarious. ~ Adam
                                                Rating: 1 (+2/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                  #32

                                                  Monkeys don't kill people, viruses kill people. ~ Adam
                                                  Rating: 1 (+1/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                    #33

                                                    Even genius chimps can't tell the difference between a painted wall and the sky. ~ Adam
                                                    Rating: 1 (+2/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                      #34

                                                      Karma is a shocker. ~ Adam
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                                                        #35

                                                        Never trust the CEO of a pharma company. ~ Adam
                                                        Rating: 1 (+1/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                          #36

                                                          Cookies help to earn trust. ~ Lby54229
                                                          Rating: 1 (+2/-1) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                            #37

                                                            Draco is still a brat. ~ Eibhlinn Savage
                                                            Rating: 1 (+1/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                              #38

                                                              Don't expect a guy you live with for 5 years to propose. ~ Arielle139
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                                                                #39

                                                                It's o.k. to use your ailing father as a lab rat for your new drug. Nevermind controlled testing. ~ Arielle139
                                                                Rating: 1 (+1/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                  #40

                                                                  Never live next door to someone who owns a chimp. ~ Arielle139
                                                                  Rating: 1 (+1/-0) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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                                                                    #41

                                                                    Never put baby in a corner,.. Or your monkey on a leash. ~ Sfc
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                                                                      #42

                                                                      Meeting rooms are not equipped with emergency alarms. ~ agentdc7
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                                                                        #43

                                                                        People go have picnics in the Redwoods even when it's raining. ~ agentdc7
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                                                                          #44

                                                                          Apparently James Franco started working on the smart juice 127 hours after perfecting the arm-regenerating serum. ~ KevyB
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                                                                            #45

                                                                            Apes will eventually "evolve" from wanting to live in the forest to living back in the buildings of their captors, including government buildings (a la Burton's movie)... so apparently the smart drug wears off for them too? ~ KevyB
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                                                                              #46

                                                                              Rich scientists can't afford nice clothing for their treasured pets. ~ Arielle139
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                                                                                #47

                                                                                If you're left with the sentient newborn of the super-intelligent animal that ruined your life's work, take it home instead of to an animal clinic! Surely nothing could go wrong! ~ Wolfenmaus
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                                                                                  #48

                                                                                  If you're an ape, you can fall nearly infinite distances without hurting yourself. ~ kvn8907
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                                                                                    #49

                                                                                    Be very careful who you make your neighbors. ~ Adam
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                                                                                      #50

                                                                                      No means NO! ~ Adam
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                                                                                        #51

                                                                                        Well I think someone learned NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ~ popsita
                                                                                        Rating: -2 (+1/-3) | Register to Vote! | Register to Favorite! | (0)


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