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If you're a vampire, the best loophole to be invited into a house is just to blow it up. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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When seeing the vampire who has just blown up your house and lobbed a dirt-bike at your van rapidly approaching you in a pickup truck, just keep going at the speed limit and let him rear-end you. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Need to break into a vampire's house? There's an app for that! ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Not one person in a nightclub full of hundreds will notice the strange sight of a man hanging from the ceiling then dropping down like he's Spider-Man. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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If your folks were murdered by a vampire, become a magician and base your whole stage act around vampires. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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eBay is useless. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Some vampires wear capes. Some even sparkle in the sunlight. Others move into towns in the suburb outskirts of Vegas, keep storage cells for their victims, and try to draw as MUCH ATTENTION TO THEMSELVES AS POSSIBLE by blowing up neighbor's houses, biting people out in the open, and victimizing people in a perfect radius around his house. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Just because you're a vampire and you've stolen your next-door neighbor's girlfriend doesn't mean he'll let you get away with rubbing it in by making out with her and making her drink blood from your slashed chest. Especially if said neighbor is wearing a flame-retardant suit. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Even for a vampire, Jerry was creepy. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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A vampire film will have a redone version of a rap song at the end and it'll be far, far better than the original. ~ njackson84
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Be nice to your former friends, they might just become vampires and try to kill you. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Vampirism gives you an AWESOME and speedy breast augmentation. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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"The day my life got better was the day I stopped being friends with YOU."
-our hero of the story, ladies and gentlemen. The guy we're supposed to root for. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Vampires will try to con their way into getting an invitation into your house under the pretense of needing beer. DON'T FALL FOR IT. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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After dating for only a short amount of time, your girlfriend will feel comfortable enough to enter your house without waiting for an answer, as if she pays the mortgage, and proceed to behave like a first-class, Grade-A bitch towards you. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Christopher Mintz-Plasse will always be typecast as a social outcast. ~ njackson84
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Vampires can have houses that make a lot of noise when you're walking through them, but a vampire will only know you're there by smell. ~ njackson84
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A 400-year-old vampire can't hear your breathing when you're about 10 feet across the hall from him, but a vampire only about two days old can. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Real-estate signs make for great makeshift stakes. Stake a vampire with one of these and he'll start furiously shrieking and writhing around ala Samara Morgan from "The Ring". ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Upon breaking into a vampire's house, take only pictures of the weird insignia in one of the rooms. Apparently this will be the only evidence you need, and not the collection of uniforms he keeps in his closet, and definitely not the storage cells that he keeps his live victims in (one of which, by the way, a live victim will be trapped in). ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Remakes are terrible. ~ Redshirt1
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The vampire who lives next door will just ASSUME you have beer to lend him. Forget asking if you even have beer in the first place. It's like, "hey, I know you have beer, let me have it." ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Kids, just watch the original. ~ Max
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A murderous 400-year-old vampire who has been in the midst of killing or turning the entire neighborhood is absolutely no match for some fire and a carabiner clip. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Stereotypical, sarky, masculine-looking boys will always find the time to go find some sluts to have sex with. ~ Movie Genius
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Getting a creepy look from your window of your vampire neighbour is enough to put you off sex temporarily. ~ Movie Genius
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If there's anything worse than having a vampire next door, it's having a REALLY sexy vampire next door who talks in a creepy way about your girlfriend and mother. ~ Movie Genius
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As usual, no one believes that you have a 400 year old supernatural being living next door with a taste for blood. ~ Movie Genius
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If you're in someone's back garden being chased by a vampire, go all around the house and jump out the window to the exact same place where the vampire will be waiting for you. ~ Movie Genius
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A vampire that sexy who likes biting young women is probably compensating for the fact that vampires can never have sex. ~ Movie Genius
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Sometimes, if you're trying to convince someone that a vampire is living next door to him, and have HARD PROOF to back up such a claim, PRESENT THAT SHIT UP FRONT. Don't just say, "Your neighbor's a vampire." You're better off saying, "Your neighbor's a vampire, and here's my hard evidence." Do that, and it'll make a world of difference. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Residents in a Vegas suburb work all night and sleep all day. Everybody. Every single one of them. Not one person, except the main character, will hear bloodcurdling screams coming from the new neighbor's house. No one notices the disturbing sight of the new guy in the neighborhood walking up to a car and biting a couple of teenager's throats out. No one even hears the distinct BOOM of a house exploding. In the suburbs of Vegas, you can get away with anything. ~ KungFuMasterLarry
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Every fu**ing movie in the world will be remade whether it's necessary or not. 10 years from now we'll be seeing a Paranormal Activity remake. ~ Max
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