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When using frozen peas as a cold compress the peas need to stay in the bag. ~ Grayfire
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Food poisoning makes you take a shit in a wedding dress in the street. ~ Grayfire
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At rich people's bridal showers you get puppies for party favors. ~ Grayfire
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Booty calls are know as "adult sleepovers." ~ Grayfire
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When boys reach a certain age you can crack their blankets in half. ~ Grayfire
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In order to prove you're not drunk to a cop, just dance on the line. ~ Grayfire
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If you can't beat the hell out of someone legally just hit them with tennis balls in a tennis match repeatedly. ~ Grayfire
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I think "Female Fight Club" would be a pretty good theme for a wedding reception. ~ Grayfire
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You've got to be able to spread your legs in a bridesmaid dress. ~ Grayfire
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Cops are just like priests. ~ Grayfire
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When Annie gets drugged she ends up in the 90's. ~ Grayfire
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If you don't want to ever be pulled over by a cop just sleep with them then dump them. They'll be so mad and hurt they will just ignore you no matter what you do going down the road. ~ Grayfire
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A good joke to pull on someone leaving for the airport is to put a loaded gun in their carry-on bag. ~ Grayfire
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Does someone want a big bear sandwich? ~ Grayfire
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Instead of punching your friend's new friend, punch her big cookie. ~ Redshirt1
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Food poisoning, causes you not to be confident on which end that came out of. ~ RoC77
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The trick to looking good in the morning to your partner is to get up before he does and do your makeup then get back in bed. ~ Grayfire
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If you can't pay for an outdoor fitness class, just hide behind a tree while doing the exercises. ~ Grayfire
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It's probably not a good idea to tell wedding ring shoppers that the love will go away. ~ Grayfire
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Free tattoos are free for a reason. ~ Grayfire
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Annie's mom is not an alcoholic only because she's never had a drink. ~ Grayfire
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1,2,3,4, Let's have a speech war! ~ Grayfire
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Bill Cozbi is not Bill Cosby. ~ Grayfire
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If you don't want someone to read your diary then put a note on your bedroom door saying not to come in and read your diary or wear your clothes. ~ Grayfire
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The cop wants a carnival wedding not a circus wedding. ~ Grayfire
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There's a much more sense of community in coach on an airplane. ~ Grayfire
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Steve is an appliance. ~ Grayfire
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You can pull up to a cop and ask to hang out and he will oblige. ~ Grayfire
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Wedding invitations can be packages with a butterfly inside. ~ Grayfire
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Bridal showers can be bigger than most weddings. ~ Grayfire
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Cops are never there when you need them. ~ Grayfire
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Taking nine "party favors" was probably a little much. ~ Grayfire
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She actually bit her in the ass. ~ Grayfire
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A tuna fish sandwich can easily be made into breakfast food by putting syrup on it. ~ Grayfire
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When you make a sex tape with someone new you have to mention it's the first sexual encounter and include a bear sandwich. ~ sbsp92
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The best way to get your point about being overshadowed by your best friend because it's their wedding across is to destroy every object in sight and waste large amounts of food. ~ Redshirt1
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Biting someone in the ass is a perfect way to get someone to forgive their best friend. ~ Kyle
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