You better finish your fucking fries! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you don't like fries, don't order them. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Everything you learn in a police academy is bullshit. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you don't know something, just make it up! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You can't cheat on something you never committed to, like taxes. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Cigarette tricks are only impressive to smokers. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you kill a rapist, women will love you. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Some people call it "breaking into their house." Cops call it "locating your security flaw." link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

No one can deny going to Hogwarts would be life changing. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

They have an app that tells you if a woman is on her period. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

HARRY POTTER DOESN'T MAKE YOU GAY! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Shaun White is kind of a dick. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Captain Sully wasn't a hero. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Thinking Captain Sully isn't a hero means you're not American. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

What Justin Timberlake lacks in experiences he makes up for in cliches. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Sex is just like tennis. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A bible app shows you're a good girl. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Nobody wants to fuck Obama. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Obama has ears like an elephant. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Olivia Wilde smells like lemon. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Grown ass men don't go commando. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Never put your face at the level of a babies ass. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Homeless guys are so thin. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

It's hard to tell if someone is being sarcastic when you're baked. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The monarch is just a glorified moth. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If your infant doesn't talk, it's probably retarded. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Chicks only breast feed in Africa. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Always solve your problems with violence. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

It's pretty awesome to find freckles on your taint. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Always be sure to brush your human centipede's hair. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Nothing interrupts a blow job worse than gun shots. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Even if you'd rather be fucking a retarded boy, a blow job from a chick will do. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Your mom will never like your scrap book. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Sandpaper is just lube for psychopaths! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Always play with a child after shooting at him and his parents. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Your job won't care if you spend company time watching The Human Centipede. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Don't fuck with balding midgets. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Don't tell Martin not to look at your girlfriend. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Stop them tears; it only makes daddy's willy harder. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Scrap booking is the number one hobby of The Human Centipede fans! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Your mother will never appreciate The Human Centipede as much as you. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you talk about making a human centipede, you were probably just abused and touched by your father. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Don't let the big angry bald guy yelling at you distract you from your meal until he knocks the table over. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Jesus won't save Abin Cooper from prison rape. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Don't stand unnaturally close to John Goodman. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Patriot act, bitch. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

This isn't September 10th 2001. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

One of the downsides to Italy is it's filled with a lot of Italians. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you're passionate about something your teacher will let you say "assholes" especially if they are in fact assholes. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Nazis think Abin Cooper is "nucking futs." link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you're on local news you're considered famous. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When parents block porn sites it causes socially backwards kids. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Fender benders are not a bad omen. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You can't turn on the TV nowadays without seeing some jackass waving his privates. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The world wide web is the Devil's playground. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You can be turned gay by touching homosexual saliva. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

"To infinity and beyond" is not part of the Green Lantern oath. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

To make a tiger dance you have to show him a little tit. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Gentlemen discuss stuff over bloody marys. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Gay marriage is legal in Iowa. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

I don't trust people with ponytails. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Never eat shredded wheat. Which is ironic because shredded wheat is delicious. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

There is a separation between religion and insurance. It's in the constitution. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Insurance agents are heroes. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When you are "pre-engaged" you can "pre-pork anything that moves." link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You can order your root beer with a nipple on it. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If a chocolate vanilla love sandwich bothers you just wait until they get to butt fucking. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you run into your old teacher at True Value, you will end up hooking up. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If people think you're going to go places you probably won't. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Butterscotch is much better than a heater. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Heater = Cigarette link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Barbados smells like chlorine. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When an African American man smiles at you, you should run for your life. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

L and C = Loud and clear. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

NTS = Not to shabby. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Trans Sky Air, Get There. NOW GO TO SLEEP! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Don't go to work when you're sick. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Brightly painted nails keep the glooms away. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Old ladies keep cats in their purses. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The FAA is cool with blowjobs as long as your tray is in the upright position. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

People will leave the handicapped in an evacuation situation. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Guns should be required on airplanes, like seat belts. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Hamsters don't have tails. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

There is water in the tap. link
Rating: -1 (+1/-2)

"In brightest day, in blackest night, No evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, Beware my power... Green Lantern's light!" link
Rating: -2 (+3/-5)

If you have an enemy you're not sure how to face don't talk it out with your fellow Green Lanterns. Discuss it with your Earth buddies because surely they'll lead you down the right path. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Making a race car track is a sure fired way to stop a plane from crashing. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Green Lanterns make the coolest weapons. link
Rating: -2 (+1/-3)

No matter how bad things get, something good is out there, just over the horizon... link
Rating: -2 (+0/-2)

The ring turns thought into reality. The only limits are what you can imagine. link
Rating: -2 (+0/-2)

It's important to pledge allegiance to a lantern, that was given to you by a dying purple alien. link
Rating: -1 (+1/-2)

Thailand doesn't have a Long John Silvers. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Stay-at-home son is a profession. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Your mother needs to send you a memo if there won't be any dessert. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Doogie Howser turned out to be a gay. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

When someone says "Your hair" instantly check to make sure nothing has happened to your beard. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When a monkey nibbles on a penis it's funny in any language. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

This is not Stu's first marriage; there was a whore in Las Vegas. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

IT'S A MONKEY! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Monasteries are often confused with Pf Changs. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)