Being cool these days just takes being tolerant and eco-friendly. I blame Glee. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

When your chief gives you specific instructions and threatens dire consequences if you break even one rule, it stands to reason that you'll be decorated if you break all but one. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Undercover cops don't need fake IDs to get booze. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The people in charge of these things have run out of ideas, so now they're just recycling the same old shit and hoping nobody will notice. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Korean Jesus has a narrower target demographic than the regular Jesus. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Cool Ranch Doritos+Chemistry set=Craziest drugs ever link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Doesn't matter how fast you're going if no one else is holding a baton. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Shotguns are hard to conceal under tuxedos. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

A movie can gradually include less and less carnage and dismemberment as it progresses and somehow make the fighting more intense as a result. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Voldemort is a hugger. Who knew? link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Apparently Gregory Goyle is black now. Previously this was not the case. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Magical fire empathizes with the most dangerous thing to have previously felt pain onscreen. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

These movies are about Neville Longbottom. You're lying to yourself if you think otherwise. link
Rating: 7 (+7/-0)

Vaguely spacey people tend to have a stronger grasp on reality than others, oddly enough. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you mess with Molly Weasley's children, she won't just kill you. She'll make you explode. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

You might be breathing in bits of Voldemort right now. Gross. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Just because it's happening in your head doesn't mean it can't be real. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

Want to make an impression? Show up on someone's turf in a golden shaft of light while riding an eight-legged horse. That'll get their attention. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When plotting a mutiny on the Queen Anne's Revenge, the correct strategy is not "LEEEROOOOY JENKIIIIINS". link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Blackbeard becomes more evil every time he DOESN'T kill someone. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Ships can breathe fire. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Blackbeard can survive decapitation, but a poison blade through the heart is actually lethal. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Edward Teach dabbled in necromancy. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

We can't use Will and Elizabeth anymore, so here's a boring romance subplot that goes nowhere featuring two people you don't care about instead. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

Mermaids mate in a manner similar to the way praying mantis do. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

We will honestly never know if Jack Sparrow actually has a plan. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Contractions are for squares. Real men do not use them. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Chudnovsky's gun has two barrels. That's not boring! link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Britt Reid will blow guys in any proportion he wants to. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

"The Green Bee" is a super lame name. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

After stabbing a guy through the eyes with two giant broken pieces of wood deep enough to spear the brain, be sure to shoot him. You can't quite be sure he's dead yet. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Stiff fur and heavy light saturation look pretty good in a video game cutscene, but not so impressive on the silver screen. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

There's two sides to every schwartz. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Schwartz rings are often found in Cracker Jack boxes. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Never go over Dark Helmet's helmet. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

The bathroom wall is unlisted. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb. link
Rating: 7 (+7/-0)

"12345" is the kind of combination an idiot would have on his luggage. link
Rating: 9 (+10/-1)

"12345" is the combination on President Skroob's luggage. link
Rating: 3 (+5/-2)

Even in the future, nothing works properly. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

What's that? The White Witch wasn't even in this one? SCREW IT FORCE IN A CAMEO ANYWAY. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The Captain's horse is more competent than the entire Royal Guard combined. Perhaps it's time to start looking at applications again, Sire. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

The great thing about dreams is when you achieve one, you get to come up with a new one. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Finally, a Disney character with more hair than the Beast! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Unlike most Disney villains, Mother Gothel never actually reached the ground. link
Rating: 2 (+4/-2)

Your mother is absolutely thrilled that you're dating a wanted criminal. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

The video game tie-in would probably not suck if they based it on Ice Climbers. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Flynn can get knocked unconscious several times with no permanent damage, but a knife to the gut is pretty much fatal. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

The day you steal the tiara of a missing princess, circumstances will inevitably lead you to stumble upon its rightful owner and take her on a crazy road trip. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Chameleons can camouflage themselves to hide in front of very complex patterns. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

"Rapunzel" is the sound people make when they sneeze. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

A character with no spoken lines and hardly any development can still make you cry like a little girl by simply shedding a single tear. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Flynn has a thing for brunettes. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Using a frying pan to fence with a horse is likely the strangest thing you've ever done. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

David Bowie is in everything, even if it's not really David Bowie. link
Rating: 10 (+11/-1)

Kevin Flynn has been spending the last 20 years learning how to dress and act like Obi-Wan Kenobi in a glowing blue robe. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

A human male's "programs" are totally compatible with a female ISO entity's "Operating System", if ya catch my drift. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

Flynn's dream stinks. link
Rating: 8 (+9/-1)

Horses are even better at parkour than people are. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Horses are just like dogs. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Alan Menkin's still got it. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Don't be suspicious of your mother's constant emotional torment and scarring of you, she simply wants you to be completely and utterly dependent on her. Nothing wrong with that! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The Sword of Godric Gryffindor might be the only heroic weapon in all of fiction that is poisonous. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

If you want to make parallels between your villain and Adolf Hitler, give his minions red armbands. That'll definitely seem subtle. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Pictures of muggles still don't move, even if they're in the Daily Prophet. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

Hermione doesn't exist anymore. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Anywhere Voldemort enters becomes instantly Monochrome. link
Rating: 6 (+7/-1)

All good evil overlords go to their evil meetings bringing a human dinner for their eccentric pets. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Polyjuice potion tastes like goblin piss. link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

If you can find an excuse to give a flying motorcycle a high-speed chase, go for it, the movie will be cooler for it. link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

Our pitiful Muggle electricity is no match for Voldemort's glorious hamminess. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

George Weasley is a master cockblocker. link
Rating: 10 (+11/-1)

Wizard parties are awesome because you'll never run out of booze. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

Wizard purses are even more improbably massive on the inside than muggle ones. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Kreacher has been watching. o_o link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

House elves are badasses. link
Rating: 6 (+7/-1)

One mustn't tell lies. link
Rating: 9 (+10/-1)

If your girlfriend is mad at you, just keep talking about a ball of light touching your heart. She'll come around. link
Rating: 19 (+19/-0)

Voldemort could have just levitated the stone atop Dumbledore's grave and taken the wand, but no. He had to desecrate the tomb because he's a douche. link
Rating: 9 (+10/-1)

Lightning isn't electricity discharging from the sky down to Earth. It's a bunch of aliens trying to possess you. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you weren't having enough trouble taking this film seriously already, the babysitter grows up to go to community college and get in a bunch of wacky hijinks with Joel McHale. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Nosebleeds are a sign of extraterrestrial possession, not sexual arousal. Take that, Japanese culture! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Women are predestined to push the button. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Men are predestined to murder their wives. Man, this flick is just full of positive lessons! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

A fair and balanced experiment involves screwing up the lives of your test subjects so badly that they have hardly any choice but to do what you apparently want them to do. It also helps to make it seem like you're full of crap and they don't have to worry about the repercussions of their apparently pointless actions. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Alien teleporting works by walking into a giant invisible Jello mold full of water. It's an imperfect process, and wherever you're transported will be positively drenched. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Next time, maybe we don't make deals with the friendly psychopath with the burn mark on his face? link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Hey, Earthlings, we're gonna conduct a little test! We're going to pitch a vague moral quandry to a random sampling of your inhabitants. If we decide that you guys are more or less bastards, we'll kill you all. If you turn out to be okay, we'll let you live... AS OUR SLAVES! Doesn't that sound awesome? link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Nothing short of killing Malcolm Reynolds can stop Malcolm Reynolds. And even that has failed in the past. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Love keeps a ship in the air when she ought to fall, love tells you she's ailin' before she keens, love makes her home. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

It's a bad sign when a movie is forced to make up good reviews and attribute them to fake name puns that you could have made up in fifth grade. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Hey, you know what absolutely no one has made fun of yet? Twilight! Let's make a movie out of all the funny jokes no one has made about Twilight yet! I mean, seriously, it's only been part of the mainstream for the past five years. Why hasn't anyone made fun of Twilight yet? link
Rating: 1 (+3/-2)

Best way to ditch your ex-girlfriend is to dive through a small glassed windowpane right by the door. Just don't forget your coat. link
Rating: 7 (+7/-0)

Don't just instantly attack your evil doppelganger. Try to talk it out first, you may find you have a lot in common. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

People won't question mass murder so long as the victims turn into coins after dying. link
Rating: 13 (+13/-0)

Young Neil plays lots of stuff. Zelda, Tetris.... link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

Sex Bob-Omb is here to make money and sell out and stuff. link
Rating: 7 (+7/-0)

Ken may or may not occasionally wear high heels with his astronaut suit. link
Rating: 8 (+9/-1)

Everything's sexier in Spanish. link
Rating: 9 (+9/-0)

Hamm is actually a pretty good harmonica player for someone who doesn't have a throat. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)