Pregnancy is the worst thing ever. Until you're 18, at which point it's more important than breathing. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Even though your dad is an asshole, he might be right. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Ad hominem isn't just the best way, it's the only way. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The problem is irrelevant because the solution is always a laser. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Take the creepy guy seriously. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Hard work and diligence is the fastest way to be fired. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

No matter what, if your business is located underground, it is nefarious. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

No matter how well organized a plan is, Sandra Oh will always pop over and fuck shit up. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Never trust a guy who eats with his hands. NEVER. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

They don't have anything whatsoever to do with the plot? Take them out. But they're cute! So, spend half the movie with them and put them and nobody else from the movie on the posters. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

No mountain is high enough, no valley low enough, no river wide enough, to keep Zac Efron's shirt on him. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Angelina Jolie can fly. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The best place to park a car in the middle of a police chase is inside another car. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Your son runs towards giant things killing the Army soldiers en masse with heat rays and lasers? 1. Don't do anything serious to try to stop him. 2. Don't worry, he'll be fine for no apparent or adequately explored or explained reason. link
Rating: 4 (+8/-4)

Not a single hospital employee will notice the rape of one of the coma patients on a daily basis for three years. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

If a major disease has recently been eradicated, and you are in the safe zone, with armed soldiers, high barriers, and numerous spoken, video, and worded messages saying not to leave the safe zone, feel free to leave the safe zone for no reason whatsoever. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

Limbs can be willed out of advanced atrophy within minutes through glaring and willpower. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

One woman. 88 trained and armed men. No problem! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Being in a coma requires an abortion. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Being shot point-blank by a Colt .45 pistol in the head only causes a coma. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

When you have eradicated an incredibly contagious disease completely, leave one infected person around, just for shits and giggles. link
Rating: 1 (+3/-2)

Putting a plugged-in television near the tub of water you are lying in is in no way unsafe. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Phone sex operators are common, and the practice is widely accepted as a viable job opportunity. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Poorly choreographed martial arts can solve any problem. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Your lover leaves you? KILL EVERYBODY. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Rock salt shotgun shells are easily and widely available. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Losing an eye in no way impairs one's fighting skills. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

When you have a priceless sword, sell it for a very small amount of money, even if you know you can easily get a million dollars for it. link
Rating: -1 (+1/-2)

Winona Ryder has a very special talent that nobody must ever hear about. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Everything bad happens to people in Pennsylvania. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

The only thing stopping everybody in the world from committing suicide immediately is a single, very easily disabled, part of the brain. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Never trust the kindly old lady. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Rome is so romantically powerful that magic forces come out of nowhere to force people to fall in love simply by being in the city. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Love is incredibly annoying. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

The best impromptu weapon: not one of the many large, sharp knives in your kitchen, but a shower curtain. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Even when you know it's a trap, not only wander into it willingly, but leave as many blind corners as possible. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Is it edible? Put it in a plastic bag. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Cher is the most perfect sound to wake up to first thing in the morning. link
Rating: -2 (+0/-2)

The main character has cheats on. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Always go for the katana. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The way to a good security system? Fire, and lots of it. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Sherlock Holmes has sex with women, frequently and with wild abandon. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If you see a wire attached to a bomb, pull it. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

You can come back to life, but ONLY for one final make-out session. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

Why just grab someone when you can build an elaborate room under the earth? link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Heaven is like being high. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

If your friend warns you about doing something, ignore her and do it anyway. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

If your star dies, just edit the screenplay. link
Rating: -1 (+1/-2)

Terry Gilliam plots make absolutely no sense, even when explained in depth. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

If somebody gets drunk and rowdy, burn them alive in a horrible imaginary world of your own creation. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The devil looks a lot like John Waters. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Ladies like shoes. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Dead celebrities are gods. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

If people are trying to hang you, the proper response is to jam things into your windpipe. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Men dressed as fat ladies lying on piles of apples is "modern." link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Saving a soul involves neither saving nor souls. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Policemen will back off and go away if you make them they think that they've insulted you. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Making bets with the devil is a really good idea. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If a man wants to start a children's charity, make sure he isn't going to harvest their organs first. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Never borrow from the Russian Mafia. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The most effective recruitment tactic the police have is to dance around in tights. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The stability of the world depends on a few people in robes in a mountain somewhere mumbling to each other. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The canned screams of small children are an effective power source for an entire modern city. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

If a 10-year-old's penis is in a movie, the MPAA will give it a complete pass as long as it's animated. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

Your hair is connected to your arm and leg muscles. Pull it just right and you can be a great chef! Or hide vermin in your hair...they'll figure it out. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

When the creepy child next door sets off heavy explosives on a daily basis, the proper response is to DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, especially when your small child's bedroom is precisely across from the creepy child's room. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

In the future, there can only be one phone: Nokia. link
Rating: 4 (+6/-2)

There is only one demonologist in the entire state of California, and he is never available when needed. link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

It wasn't Diablo Cody's screenplay that made Juno a good movie. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

It's either the story of black people in America or King Kong. Pick one. link
Rating: -1 (+1/-2)

Fighting in a basement is bad. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

Nazi colonels are psychic hunters. link
Rating: -2 (+0/-2)

Jumping into a moving 3-ton VW minibus is a safe and effective method of travel with your family. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A whole team of security guards can be thwarted with a guy with his pants down and a taser. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

You can make anybody do anything by yelling, "GOGOGOGOGO" at them. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

If you are convulsing, twitching, and muttering to yourself in the middle of a large university class, nobody, including the professor, will notice until you get on the podium and start scrawling fake symbols on the board. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Seth Rogen IS in fact capable of being unfunny. link
Rating: -3 (+0/-3)

Fellini always does it better. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If you join PETA, you gain the ability to be really douchey towards animals attacking you. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Unfunny people from TV are unfunny people in movies. link
Rating: 0 (+2/-2)

Women will still love you after you imprison and torture them. link
Rating: 8 (+9/-1)