Theres enough water in fecal matter to hydrate every section of a human centipede. link
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Ass to mouth has two meanings now. link
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If you repeat the same day over and over again you will wake up with no scars but you get to keep the muscle memory of learning piano in your fingers. link
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Its wrong to question anything about an entity that can not be proven to exist but it's fine to completely dismiss the facts of science. link
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If you can make a room of children cry then you are doing God's work. link
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You can make tools for manipulating children into being scared of God in the toy aisle. link
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If you have a radio station show then everything you say is correct. link
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There's no emotional/psychological damage from making children do public speaking about matters they are forced to accept. link
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Jesus "The King of Peace" needs an army. link
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Being high can make you a very good motivational speaker. link
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You don't need a car to be a pizza delivery guy. link
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AI can eventually discern what's right and wrong. link
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Instead of driving out of town to get help it's best to drive a plow around running over vampires. link
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Working as a night guard at a musem is the "coolest" job compared to owning a company. link
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New York Theodore Roosavelt would probabbly let his horse lick it too. link
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Abraham Lincoln has no problem killing pigeons. link
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The only camera in the Smithsonian is the one at the guard check in. link
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The greatest battle the world will never know resulted in no casualties despite how many people were equipped with deadly weapons. link
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You can fly around Washington in an airplane with no worries of being shot down by the Secret Service. link
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Your phone can't get reception underground, but it can transcend time and space if you enter a painting of the past. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Darth Vaders' Jedi powers will not work if he's a mannequin. link
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If a woman slaps you there's a good chance she's going to kiss you afterwards. link
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Theodore Roosevelt can read hieroglyphics. link
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Opening your jacket to reveal a flashlight is as effective as a gun for threatening people. link
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A small group of bird men are enough to take over the world. link
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There is no point in having a flashlight if you can't see it in the dark. link
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Being in suspended animation for years can make any woman want Ben Stiller. link
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Anyone can access the interactive 3D map of the Smithsonian underground storage. link
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Yelling out "don't attack" as you charge towards them will make your enemy put down their guard. link
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Even if you are frozen during daytime, you should go through with your plans of taking over the world. link
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Drinking the last of the milk can lead to your partner getting married to someone else. link
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Prison room searches are not as thorough as they should be. link
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A hippie would rather have the world destroyed than kill one person. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Your car's gas petal can be used as an infant skull crusher for the multitasking abortionist on the go! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When you wake up under a tarp after being kidnapped the most logical thing to do is jump up, scream and run towards the door. link
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