The good-looking guy will always be the hero. And get the girl. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

When one is a genius, one need not clean one's thinking space. After all, everything's in its rightful place. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

When at a warehouse by a river, there's no need to jump in to the water to your right when said building starts exploding. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

Multiple fiery explosions will not cause any sort of burns to those caught up in them. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

All bad guys desire world domination. No, really, they do. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Pregnancy tests are not etch-a-sketches. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Only Angelina Jolie is powerful enough to kill Angelina Jolie. link
Rating: 3 (+5/-2)

Hot women can make one believe most anything. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Kissing a frog ain't what it used to be. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Gargoyles coming to life are not what you’d expect. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

Sentencing the guy who tried to drown a deformed infant to care for said infant is acceptable. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

People will turn on you at the snap of a (guard’s) finger. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Always follow the advice of talking gargoyles with little worldly experience. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

The titular character doesn’t always get the girl. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Being accused of witchcraft in the 16th century was not cool, man. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

A beautiful woman makes everything better. Unless you’re Frollo. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

God help the outcasts or nobody will. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

You don’t need supernatural abilities to be the bad guy. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Everybody wants what they don’t have. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

A bell tower makes for a neat playground. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Yet again, the rather tall, skinny guy is Mr. Obviously Evil. Thank you, Disney, we got it. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

Hummingbirds can and will attack you at their leisure. link
Rating: 7 (+7/-0)

Not all Brits are bad. Except the ones that are. link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

Native Americans and British settlers share a common knowledge: modern English. link
Rating: 11 (+13/-2)

There must always be a love interest. link
Rating: 2 (+4/-2)

Corn, though delicious, is not gold. Shame, that. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

The British love their dogs. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Your best friend will screw you over unintentionally, but somehow, things will turn out okay. Kind of. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Some trees are family. Others make for good shelter. Choose wisely. link
Rating: 1 (+3/-2)

It’s not cool to call someone a savage. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

The British biscuit does not a banquet make. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

An arrow through the head is not as funny as you might think. link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

Evil people look evil. link
Rating: 6 (+8/-2)

Ship sails look suspiciously like clouds. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

You don’t always get the “happily ever after.” link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Mel Gibson plays the-guy-who-has-a-lot-to-learn-about-another-people role well. *hint, hint* link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

Idiot lackeys are idiots. link
Rating: 2 (+4/-2)

Effective strategy for elusion #354: Have a rhinoceros sit on the one whom you would have distracted. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

It’s okay to dangle a baby (read: cub) high above a crowd. link
Rating: 6 (+8/-2)

Love means repeatedly apologizing for one's existence and/or denying one's own ability to be loved. link
Rating: 11 (+13/-2)

Tree climbing is a romantic activity for two. link
Rating: 6 (+9/-3)

Vampire sparkles are rainbow-colored. Like Skittles. link
Rating: 5 (+7/-2)

Getting a tattoo is worth being scolded over; attempting to nearly kill yourself in order to hallucinate is peachy keen. link
Rating: 10 (+10/-0)

Vampires are all for oligarchy. link
Rating: 0 (+2/-2)

It's okay to use people as a means to an end. link
Rating: 0 (+2/-2)

There are no ugly vampires. (Personal preferences notwithstanding.) link
Rating: 0 (+2/-2)

You can lie about your past to the woman you love and she will still love you in the end. Therefore, lying has few, if any, negative repercussions. link
Rating: 14 (+14/-0)

You don’t have to be bright to be in charge of a country. link
Rating: 13 (+13/-0)

A parrot is even more annoying when the voice of Gilbert Gottfried shoots out of its beak. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

Princesses just want to be commoners. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Stealing is okay so long as you can get away with it. link
Rating: 5 (+7/-2)

Monkeys make for terrible elephants. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

A “magic carpet ride” may or may not be a metaphor for a drug-induced trip. link
Rating: 3 (+8/-5)

Escaping a palace full of guards, idiots though they may be, is really quite easy for a sheltered, teenage girl to do. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

Robin Williams knows how to get crap passed the radar. link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

There’s a lot of sand in Agrabah. link
Rating: -4 (+0/-4)

Never ask an orphan to do a job for you. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Flying carpets have questionable attitudes. link
Rating: 8 (+8/-0)

The guards in Agrabah go through a none-too-selective boot camp. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Having a fully grown tiger for a pet is a good thing for a teenage girl. link
Rating: 13 (+13/-0)

If you are overly tall and skinny in a Disney film, you’re bad; inversely, if you are short and quite round, you’re adorable and good. link
Rating: 14 (+15/-1)

Love bites. Haha, get it? link
Rating: 1 (+8/-7)

There is such a thing as golf balls that dissolve in water. No, really! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Regardless of authorization, threaten to call a pilot's mother, and he'll land anywhere you want. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

It is not wise to drive a boat at fast speeds during an emotional breakdown. Even more unwise, to stand up in a speeding boat when you cannot swim. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

There are no Canadian terrorists. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

It is pertinent that you know which side of the bed you sleep on when marrying someone from another country. Even Canada. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock were big in Canada and Alaska. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

People who work for the government have no sense of humor and no life. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

It's okay to lie to a large gathering of your friends and family if to do otherwise would mean jail time. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Wooden bats are nigh-indestructible. link
Rating: 9 (+10/-1)

It's acceptable to fall in love with the girl who most makes you want to kill. That won't have repercussions. Ever. link
Rating: 8 (+9/-1)

Don't worry about double checking the facts, that shady call from the guy hunting you is undoubtedly 100% factual. link
Rating: 9 (+10/-1)

Baseball brings people together. Life-threatening situations do the same but with less coordinated outfits. link
Rating: 15 (+16/-1)

There's some irony in a burning fire truck. link
Rating: 27 (+27/-0)

Bad things happen to people who lie to Batman/Bruce Wayne. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Everyone has a crazy switch. Flip it, and suddenly you're crashing cars and threatening children. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

Some magic tricks require no explanation. link
Rating: 9 (+9/-0)

"Find the boobs" is a rousing game for tailors. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Near-death experiences are beautiful bonding moments. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Cops are always the last to know. link
Rating: 12 (+12/-0)

It's not always good to be a tourist. link
Rating: 7 (+8/-1)

A cult effectively stops being just that when you join and realize how different things really are. Uh huh, sure. link
Rating: 5 (+6/-1)

Sickly pale is the new tan. link
Rating: 7 (+7/-0)

It’s not THAT cold in Alaska. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

If you are a woman in power, you simply MUST be a demanding, work-obsessed witch. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Everyone has a heart of gold. No, really. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

It’s okay to marry someone because you want to date them. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Betty White does crazy well. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Everyone loves a good striptease. Well, ALMOST everyone. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Alaska is THE place for entrepreneurs (moguls and strippers, alike). link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

The Ramones of the world do not get the girl in the end. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Old people can get away with anything. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

The birds in Alaska are not above eating a small dog. Or a cell phone. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

From a distance, trying to sacrifice a dog may look like an adorable play session. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

Unfamiliarity = obsession. link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

Vampires really kill you because they want your clothes. link
Rating: 0 (+4/-4)

It’s a slow news day everyday in a school within proximity of a Vampire coven and a Werewolf reservation. link
Rating: 3 (+5/-2)

It’s always about blood. link
Rating: 3 (+5/-2)

Cacti make for excellent mementos. link
Rating: 2 (+5/-3)