Hanging by your arms- only your arms- for extended periods of time won't have any consequences. No broken arms or dislocated joints. Nothing at all link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Falling down a really deep hole won't kill you. Even when you fall through a roof. Really, you'll be completely fine. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Even though the post-apocolyptic sun will blind you, it will do nothing to whatever skin you have exposed. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

After smoking for the first eight months of pregnancy, quitting right before the baby's born makes it all better. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

Anything you can do, Sherlock Holmes can do it better. link
Rating: 9 (+9/-0)

Hide in an attic for a month and don't bathe and the vicious vampires won't be able to find or smell you. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

Its okay to use newspapers that haven't been in publication since the late 1800's, it's Hollywood, after all. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

The Devil looks like Meryl Streep...in Prada. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

New York has two seasons happening at the same time. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Size 0 is the new 2, 2 is the new 4 and 6 is the new 14. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Apparently a million girls would kill to be Meryl Streep's slave. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

"Don't make me feed you to the models." link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Better clothes can get you the job of your dreams. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Don't be late. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Check the roof. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

Contrary to popular belief, Hugh Grant is not perfect. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

There are only meat and beer in Sam Elliot's fridge. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

It is mandatory to wear cowboy hats in Wyoming. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Don't run! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

"Can we do it again? I seem to have missed it." link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

It takes a week in the Wittness Relocation program for a couple in dire need of therapy to realize they're meant for each other. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Bargain Barn is much like Wal-Mart, only you can buy Bear Repellant there. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Make sure you look at the nozzle before you try to spray the assassin in the eye. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When the guys in suits say you'll get paid a lot, you should probably get suspicious. link
Rating: 8 (+9/-1)

Help your brother, not go fishing. He might get killed. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Saying that you've been to jail when you haven't been somehow makes you cooler. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Johnny Cash may or may not have been ready for a funeral all the time. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Random ladies will come up to you in stores and say you should be ashamed for getting divorced. The fact that they don't know you is irrelavent. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Elvis was secretly a drug recruiter. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Putting fireworks in bottle and sticking them in trees is fun! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Even celebrities in the fifties could get arrested for drugs. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Don't hang up pictures of the girl you have the hots for in your wife's house. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Why is the rum gone?! link
Rating: 0 (+2/-2)

No, they're not talking to you, they named the monkey after you. link
Rating: 1 (+3/-2)

Anyone can get a prison door open, it just requires a certain pressure at a certain angle. Actually making the door helps too. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

They used to use dogs to guard keys. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

The Aztecs knew how to protect their gold. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

Skeletal pirates can walk underwater. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

Potatoes or wooden balls make excellent eye replacements. Except when they pop out. link
Rating: 7 (+7/-0)

Monkeys are smarter than they look! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Adoptive parents are right next to the exotic animals and used gym equipment and stuff. link
Rating: -1 (+1/-2)

When in doubt, go back to the beginning. Getting drunk helps as well. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Your life force can be sucked out through your ears, nipples and hip bones. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

There is nothing weird about you having the hots for your ex-stepbrother. No. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The Dutch Rudder involves moving a guy's arm while he touches himself. link
Rating: -1 (+1/-2)

If you're black and your boss asks you to work on Black Friday, he's racist. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

There is a difference between closing a door and closing it over. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Don't trust guys who give you a poo-filled storage room. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Throw coffee on a frozen car door to get it open. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Don't put hand warmers around your crotch. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

The girl you've known since first grade wants you. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Jack Black doesn't notice if there's a couple getting it on in the cafe. He only wants his coffee. link
Rating: 1 (+3/-2)

Your parents will assume you're doing drugs or in trouble at school before they would consider the possibility of pregnancy. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Always double tap. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

The hardest decision a teenage girl can make is whether she wants to date the guy who wants to kill her or the one that drinks out of the toilet. link
Rating: 10 (+11/-1)

Guys with beards are the "Bad Guys." link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Mad Cow Disease will eventually lead to the Apocolypse. link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)