Pacino has got three dead bodies on a sidewalk off Venice blvd, so he's sorry if the chicken got cold. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Hank Azaria got mixed up with that bitch Ashley Judd because she's got a great ass. And he's hot his head all the way up it. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink, because it's nobody's goddamned business how much he's had already. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The world needs ditch diggers too. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

At the ugly hat store, you get a free bowl of soup with every purchase. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A flute without holes is not a flute. A donut without a hole is a Danish. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The food at Bushwood Country Club is awful. It's like low grade dog food. You can get better food at the ballgame. Thumbs down. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The failure of Vietnamization to win popular support caused an ongoing erosion of confidence in the various American... but illegal... Saigon regimes. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you plan on using any cement in your building, the teamsters would like to have a little chat with ya, and that'll cost ya. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Mrs. Mellon is proud of her Klimt, and she shows it to everyone. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Kurt Vonnegut doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you want to look thin, you hang out with fat people. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

A violent ground acquisition game such as football is in fact a crypto-fascist metaphor for nuclear war. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

While pussies like you were back here partying, putting headbands on, doing drugs, and listening to the goddamn Beatle albums, others were up to their knees in rice paddies with guns that didn't work, going in there, looking for Charlie, slugging it out with him. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The best thing about kids is making them. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The Lotus Esprit corners like it's on rails. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Mr. Underhill's American Express Card is probably maxed out by now. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Do not tamper with the tags on your mattress. The mattress police are out in force. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If your estranged brother dies and leaves you $35k, you might expect that the government is gonna take a bite out of your ass. But, if you want to keep that money, and you trust your wife, the IRS allows you a one-time-only gift to your spouse up to sixty thousand dollars. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

The beginning of the alien plant invasion will be signaled by a total eclipse of the sun. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you go to Mushnick's Flower Shop, bring exact change. Otherwise you might wind up spending twice the amount you wanted to on roses. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You don't meet nice boys on skid row. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A disaster of biblical proportions is characterized by one or more of the following: fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling, forty years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, and/or dogs and cats living together. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Just when everything is going just fine, dickless here will turn off the power. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The coffee is for closers. If you're not a closer, then put the coffee down. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

It takes brass balls to sell real estate. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

First prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A healthy bowel movement can leave a man feeling just as refreshed as a full night's sleep. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The leads aren't weak. You're weak. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

All train compartments smell vaguely of shit. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You never open your mouth until you know what the shot is. If you can't think on your feet, you oughta keep your mouth closed. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Ravadem Patel is a deadbeat. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Make sure not to kick "Iron Balls McGinty" in the nuts. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

"A" is a good country key. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

They're not gonna kill shit, they're not gonna do shit. What can they do? They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

One should not assume that a Vegas diner waitress will not understand a 17th century French philosophical reference. Example: Pancakes in the Age of Enlightenment. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Mikey is the big winner tonight. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Use of unnecessary force in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers has been approved. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You're gonna look mighty funny eating corn on the cob with no fuckin' teeth. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Billy Baldwin was in a movie once. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Before punching out a window to ventilate a room in a burning building, always make sure you are not standing in a pool of gasoline. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

In a situation where the water is freezing and there aren't enough lifeboats, it is estimated that half the people on the ship are going to die. But not the better half. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

The "need for speed" may either be a reference to flying in a fighter jet, or for usage of the drug known as "speed". link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Even though Iceman still thinks that Maverick is dangerous, Iceman would gladly accept Maverick as his wingman anytime, and vice-versa. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When picking out a Thermos, be sure to get the extra best Thermos that money can buy. Desirable features include vinyl, stripes, and a cup built right in. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The people who stole Mrs. Nussbaum's credit card are traveling in a blue getaway car which is pulling a small church. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Fine restaurants should be able to keep the snails off the food. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

When it comes to wine, don't waste your time with anything bottled prior to the current year. Fresher is better. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Unconditional love means loving someone even if they are the color of a baboon's ass. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Pizza in a Cup is one of the more competitive restaurant themes. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Stay away from the cans. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

More people see your ass than the phonebook. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

This aggression will not stand, man. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Upon moving to LA county, all registered sex offenders must go door to door to inform the neighbors that they are paderasses. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

There is indeed a way to get Morrie to shut up, but it involves a sharpened screw driver, awl or similar instrument. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The two most important things in life are 1) never rat on your friends and 2) always keep your mouth shut. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Nobody goes to jail unless they want to. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

In prison dinner is always a big thing. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Having a friend who is a made man is almost as good as being a made man yourself. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

In the months following a big heist, it is best not to spend money in a way that is evident to others in the community. This includes new cars, fur coats, etc... link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

It is customary to tip the busboy $100 for keeping the ice cubes cold. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The way Henry figures, everybody has got to take a beating now and again. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Cooking Tip: Use a razor blade to slice the garlic so thin that it will liquify in the pan with a little oil. And don't put too much onions in the sauce. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You should be grateful, as it is considered a great honor to be invited to Don Corleone's daughter's wedding, on the day of his daughter's wedding. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Sollozzo doesn't like violence because, as a businessman, blood is a big expense. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Kay was naive to think that presidents and senators don't have men killed. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

In Vegas, Fredo was banging cocktail waitresses two at a time. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Whoever plants that gun better be very good, because Sonny doesn't want his brother coming out of the toilet with just his dick in his hands. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

It's Christmas time in Hollis Queens. Mom's cookin' chicken and collard greens. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The clown is not dead. When he fell over he just broke his leg and got a hemorrhage in his head. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Rollo the Janitor prefers beer to milk. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The bus driver got it on with Miss Vaughan. Wait, no he didn't. But you can imagine what it would be like... link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The mucus queen is yours. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The penguin told her to do that. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

BD Wong knows how to interrupt the cellular mitosis. But he's not gonna tell you! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A 12 year old with UNIX experience is handy to have around if the power goes out. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

This money is not for spending, it's for saving! Kenny's sweet virgin ass! link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

There's nothing like a nice cold steak to soothe a bruised eye. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Walter can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon. With nailpolish. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

There is probably some type of law prohibiting ownership of an amphibious rodent within the city limits. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You can't board a showdog. It's hair will fall out. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Walter told that Kraut a thousand times that he does not roll on shabbos. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If Smokey marks that frame an 8 he will be entering a world of pain. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

The dude had a rough night and he hates the fuckin' Eagles. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

The war is over and the bums lost. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Nobody fucks with the Jesus. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

There is indeed a Ralph's around here. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn then you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)