If you get thrown in prison, make sure you are released the week of a big game. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Try to be quiet when you call in to a sports radio show. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Eagles suck. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Don't follow your heroes to cocaine buys. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you DO follow your heroes to cocaine buys, DON'T TELL THEM ABOUT IT. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Have a good script available for when you call in to sports radio shows. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Camouflage is a must when sneaking onto enemy lines, even if "enemy lines" is a sports bar. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If a guy goes by the moniker "Philadelphia Phil", he's probably an obnoxious douche. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If a lawyer has a semi-hot secretary, he is going to boink her. Repeatedly. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

It's definitely worth it to drive out to a stadium and watch a football game in the parking lot. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Bill Murray is a god. Not THE God. But a god. link
Rating: 7 (+8/-1)

When in doubt . . . KARAOKE! link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Don't let the audience know what you are whispering. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Engrish is hilarious! link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Even directors of Japanese commercials can be absurdly demanding. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

A pan shot of Scarlett Johansson in bed is the right way to start a movie. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Every girl goes through a photography phase. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

For relaxing times, make it Suntory time. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

You don't need to know that Evelyn Waugh was a man to be famous. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

A robot can be your best friend. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Don't get too pissed if you lose at ping pong. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Even when corporations have technology advanced enough to support a man living on the moon, they will still look for the cheapest way possible to conduct business. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If you work on the moon, the most entertainment you will have is re-runs of "Bewitched". link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Kevin Spacey is a robot. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Long-distance communication is a bit fuzzy on the moon. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Beware of three-year contracts involving work on the moon. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you ever meet yourself, it's best to try and get along instead of being a douche. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Death will not let you kill yourself. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Girlfriends are only good for rubbing their boyfriends. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

3D movies are deadly. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When a car tire slips on gasoline, it sounds like a dolphin. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Neck tattoos are a good way to let the world know how hard you are. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

It's tough to concentrate on one's growth as a Jedi when you really just want to tap that. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

Even Senators in galaxies far, far away live nasty double lives. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Droid troopers are just as dumb as common stormtroopers. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

The pick-up line, "Are you an angel?" sounds desperate and creepy even when it comes from the mouth of a 9-year-old kid. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Even aliens have racist stereotypes. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Sand is rough and coarse and gross and totally icky. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Younglings exist to be killed. link
Rating: -1 (+2/-3)

Corellians dress as if they are ready to go deep space clubbing at a moment's notice. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Ventilation ducts double as crippling construction flaws. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Don't challenge a Jedi Master to a bar fight. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

The Empire pretty much decided not to try with its latest Death Star. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

C-3PO is a Large Ham. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Fuzzy teddy bears are better at guerrilla combat than seasoned soldiers in the Empire. link
Rating: 8 (+8/-0)

Bounty hunters are so low that even the Empire thinks they are scum. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Between Luke Skywalker and some random pilot, it won't be Luke who dies. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Darth Vader throws terrible dinner parties. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

Even if you are a red bug creature, you should not expect to survive in Star Trek. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

If a naked, handcuffed man says the key to release is underneath a pillow on his lap, he is not always being perverted. link
Rating: 14 (+17/-3)

The smallest details are the most important of all. link
Rating: 3 (+5/-2)

If something gets him drunk or high, Sherlock Holmes will consume it. link
Rating: 3 (+5/-2)

Midgets with red hair and no front teeth are evil. No exceptions. link
Rating: 9 (+11/-2)

If you plan your fighting strategy at least five steps ahead, down to each tiny hit, your opponent will walk right into your plan every time. link
Rating: 11 (+12/-1)

Poisoning someone in a bathtub is surprisingly easy. link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

Sometimes supernatural explanations are much more believable than reality. Especially when it comes to resurrecting the dead. link
Rating: 7 (+9/-2)

19th century cattle prods are very dangerous! link
Rating: 5 (+6/-1)

Special brownies solve family crises. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

War veteran transvestites make the best bodyguards. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Hippies don't mind sleeping bunched up together in the same room. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Mud is fun as hell to slide in. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Tell your family when you save a ton of money. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Know your audience: Don't act in the nude in front of old people. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Good cows provide good chocolate milk. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When a diner is out of "the usual", it's code for "the townspeople are really pissed off at you". link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Need money and influence? Start a church! link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

If someone comes out of nowhere and says he is your brother, it is best to be more than a bit suspicious. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Twins do not need to be onscreen at the same time to be considered twins. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Bowling pins are deadly. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Don't embarrass an oil man. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Better make sure your milkshake is not gone before you sell your land. link
Rating: 7 (+8/-1)

It is probably not a good idea to bring one's son to an oil rig. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If your dad is a selfish egomaniac, then you should be as discreet as possible when you tell him you want to start a rival company. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Calling people racist names is acceptable if you are really old. Or hilarious. Or both. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Clint Eastwood is the scariest old man ever. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Everyone wants the Gran Torino. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

There is a tool for everything. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You don't just walk into a barber shop and insult the owner. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Clint Eastwood can make even non-violence badass. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

If you know a guy who has Lions tickets, one of your family members will make a grab for them. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

White gangstas are the bitches of black gangstas and Asian gangstas. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Food heals all prejudices. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Apparently gangstas believe they can be taken seriously with names like "Spider" and "Smokie". link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Huge cell phones were in during the mid '90s. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

There was once a time when teenagers used Thomas Guides. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Some people will do anything to protect their precious bodily fluids. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Be careful, or risk answering to the Coca-Cola Company. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Playboy magazines are standard issue for Air Force pilots. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you are falling to your doom on top of a nuclear bomb, you might as well ride it like a horse. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Bald presidents are wusses. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Military operations can be exciting even if they will lead to the annihilation of the world. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Gaps between the Americans and the Soviets must not be tolerated. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The hands of insane ex-Nazi scientists occasionally come to life on their own. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

James Earl Jones is a badass even if he is in a movie for fewer than five minutes. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Tripping and tumbling over will never stop a passionate military argument. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

British SAS officers are not especially graceful at pulling out of awkward conversations. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The Soviets will always screw you over in the end. No exceptions. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If favorable male-to-female ratios are invoked, men can be talked into nuclear apocalypse. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If you hire a general named "Jack D. Ripper", and are surprised when he goes insane, then you are an idiot. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you have to tell the leader of the Soviet Union that some of your men are going to blow Russia to kingdom come, break it to him gently. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)