Even when boiling with rage and destroying buildings and stuff, don't forget to film yourself from all angles with all kinds of devices with cameras. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If your best friend laughs at you when you fail at sex. Kill him. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

After learning that the way to kill Aliens is by shooting them through the heart, just continue shooting anywhere without aiming. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Aliens have really bad aim. link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

Think twice when asking a priest to bless your doll, you might get smacked the fuck out! link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Exorcism 101: If you get the demon to tell you his name, you can ask him to leave and he will. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

If you are a skeptic priest, it's OK to stare at hot girls legs. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Baal waited forever to give up that easily. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you can guess what's in a bag then you are possessed. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you are thinking of running away from a funeral home, it is probably best if you become a priest. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Father Lucas lives in a shit hole. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Rome is infested with cats. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you are experiencing some real paranormal crazy shit, your best hope is the nanny you fired. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Driving demons out of homes is a must have skill if you are looking to hire a nanny. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If the nanny you are friends with and spend a lot of time gets fired, don't even say goodbye to her. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Whatever you find first on the internet about demons and haunted houses will immediately apply to your situation. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Be sure to video tape yourself talking about hard childhood moments about you being terrorized by demons, otherwise whoever finds the tapes won't know what's going on. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

You just can't derail a train going 70MPH. You just can't! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

It's a good idea to shoot at a small red button located next to a fuel tank. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

You have to risk your life and become a hero if you want your wife to talk to you again. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

It is impossible to drop a well-trained guy on a moving train from a helicopter at 60MPH. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Even if you stole the Faberge Egg days before, play along and act as if you haven't stole it yet, even when no bad guys are watching you. It is not a total waste of time. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Ashton Kutcher only knew the bad word "fuckbag" when he was a kid. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Adrien Brody will do anything to get in a movie, even kiss and fuck monster creatures without throwing up. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

You can't really tell the gender of wrinkled dicks. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

You can identify DNA by just looking at someone's neck. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

Always select the guy who talks like batman as your leader, even if he looks like a pussy. link
Rating: 7 (+7/-0)

You know somebody is telling the truth if they are obviously gay. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If you say you are pregnant because you had sex with someone a couple of years ago, they'll believe you. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If you are going to go out to kill a cat, get naked first. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

When trying to fake a suicide, don't just shoot the guy with his own gun wiping off your fingerprints and planting the gun on the guy's hand. Instead, build a cool artifact that does it for you. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

If you want to take a photo at a stranger's car license plate, be really smart about it and ask to take a picture of the engine instead, they won't think you are weird at all for collecting engine pictures. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Local cops have really bad aim. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

It's OK to set free a criminal just because he tells you that "he ain't going back to prison". link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

If you are investigating some hijackings, don't bother wondering where 30 grand in parts to fix up an old car, 5 to 7 cars about 20+ grand each, an auto shop and a restaurant come from, all owned by a bunch of people that don't have jobs. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If some Chinese dudes shoot up your car don't worry about it, just go to a party and relax. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Getting punched several times with brass knuckles in the face will not leave a mark and will almost completely heal in a few hours. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Ordinary cab drivers can take down LAPD officers very easily. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Cab drivers in LA offer a free ride once per day. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The only 2 minutes that you watch TV for weeks will be precisely when a report will air describing a serial killer that lives next door. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If you crash head on into another car, your car will be rocketed 40 ft in the air. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Super computers can also feel pain, they will squeal like a rat if you break one of their camera lenses. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Body waxing don't hurt, unless you're a bitch! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you talk like a retarded person, people will listen to the crap you say. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Instead of running, risk your life for a hooker. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you are being harassed by a cop you are fucked, you can't complain to a higher authority. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Constantly gear shifting a car can give the impression that you are going very fast. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

When getting away in a boat, steer it close to the ground so that bad ass cops can have a chance to jump their car on it. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

No one will try to shoot you if you are rolling downhill inside some tires. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Even if after proving your innocence, they still arrest you, and the only thing left is to escape and live the rest of your life on the run, you can still consider that your plan "came together". link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

An average ice cream truck can reach high speeds while on a chase. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you are a millionaire don't use your money to retire and live a dream life, instead risk your life as a detective trying to catch serial killers and live in a shitty apartment. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Make sure you take a dump at your house before going to someone's apartment to kill them. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The comedian is not a funny guy. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

A 2-inch thick suite can hold several missiles and a lot of ammo. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Matt Damon is a pretty good at lying. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

If you are from the US and are a millionare, it is probably safest to move to Mexico City. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

People in Mexico still use beepers. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Always store your kidnapping ransom money in a water barrel outside your house. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

People in night clubs in Mexico love gun shots, along with their glow in the dark objects. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Mexico City's organized criminals are pussies. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If someone stabs you in the eye you will be fine. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Chevy Chase is kind of a dick. link
Rating: 0 (+2/-2)

Cats stink. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Never meet a girl in a bar. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

8% of all kids draw pictures of dicks. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

It is totally safe to drink beer with detergent. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

You shouldn't park in the staff's parking lot. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

People don't forget! link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

When facing a suicide mission, send the black guy. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Apparently, if you release the sands of time the world will NOT come to an end as everyone thinks, instead it will take you back in time exactly where you need to go. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

When handling Acidic Poison don't wear protection on your hands, you probably won't get burned. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

If you see a building surrounded by zombies, try to land on the roof with your airplane. Then you can spend the next few days trying to escape on foot. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Shotguns are more effective if you put quarters in them. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Zombies can dig tunnels with their bare hands. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Always prefer to jump down 40 ft instead of hanging on a cable for 20 ft. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A ski lift cart will become loose and fall if you stand up on it and hang by the cable. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

6 to 8 wolves will be completely full just by eating 2 guys in a couple of days. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

If you have the power to manipulate fire, don't use it to actually burn people. Instead use it to push people around and knock them out. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)