Gangsters REALLY like to swear. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Backup will always arrive a minute too late. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Cops are better firefighters than firefighters. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Gangsters can't aim AK-47s very well. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If a person acts all sanctimonious and holier-than-thou to his coworkers, telling them on various occasions that that their employer will someday get them "up the a--", ironically THAT PERSON will be the one to end up with the gross, career-ending eye injury. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Criminals who make use of Los Angeles bungalows for their dirty deeds will often remove all the drywall from the ceiling, exposing the ceiling joists, as a strange form of interior decoration. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If your partner's down and the two of you are out in the open, do NOT attempt to get to cover. Just sit there, yelling "Where is everyone?" link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Big Evil is called Big Evil because his evil is big. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Paul Giamatti did NOT have the Buffalo Wings. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

You can start a war and bankrupt the country but you can't fuck the interns. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Elephants play in the mud. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Right answer to, "Are you single?" when asked by your boss is, "I'm married to the campaign." link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

After a presidential candidate denies during a press conference that he had much contact with a recently deceased intern who was part of his political campaign, the police will conveniently ignore the fact that he made a call to her cell phone at 2:30 in the morning during the examination of her cell phone records while conducting the investigation into her death. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Paul Giamatti may have the brains but Philip Seymour Hoffman has the balls and the brains. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Ida is Stephen's best friend link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

As an intern, carrying coffee around might land you a night or two with one or two of your bosses. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Cleaning lady is another term for slut. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Retired campaign managers go to work for consulting firms. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Nobody will notice if you're movie's tagline is exactly the same as the tagline for No Country for Old Men link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Strippers won't care if their boss gets his hand smashed repeatedly with a hammer by a psycho in a vintage jacket. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

5 minutes is the standard wheelman allotment. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

He's the bad guy cuz he's a shark. There are no good sharks. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

It's totally normal to wear high heels to a Pawn Shop robbery. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

When you're about to get killed and you're at the beach, might as well go for a swim. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Toothpicks make you look cooler. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Blood soaked jackets go unnoticed in L.A. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Ryan Gosling is badass. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Ryan Gosling loves staring. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Clay Morrow left his biker gang to join the Jewish Mob. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Jamie Foxx's first name is Motherfucker. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Don't shove toiletries up your anus. It has DNA. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Don't pee in a playground at night. You'll become a registered sex offender. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Don't call the police after witnessing a murder. Just drive away as quickly as possible. It won't seem suspicious. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Jamie Foxx can't be walking around with that Disney ass name. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Getting sexual advances from a horny Jennifer Aniston is a bad thing. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

You can get 10 years in prison for bootlegging Snow Falling on Cedars. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You don't go into a bar and hand a guy $5000 just because he's black. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Kevin Spacey is a psycho. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Jennifer Aniston is a maneater. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Colin Farrell is a tool. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Nobody can pronounce Gregory's real name. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A former skinhead can convince his teenage younger brother to stop being racist by telling him a rape story despite the kid being taught racism for the last 3 years by a Neo-Nazi fanatic. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

A skinhead will stop being racist after discovering that black people are funny. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

NO ONE is 50 steps ahead of Robert De Niro. link
Rating: 1 (+3/-2)

A movie should never, ever under any circumstances, hold a goddamn camera still. Not even when 2 people are simply talking. link
Rating: 12 (+13/-1)

If you're a marine or have some other kind of dangerous job, everything will go wrong right before you retire. link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

If you write a letter to your wife, you're probably gonna get killed. link
Rating: 8 (+8/-0)

Michelle Rodriguez is the most badass woman ever. link
Rating: 1 (+4/-3)

It's very smart to hotwire a bus during an alien assault. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Aliens with tons of technology with the capability to travel to our planet from another galaxy will only have ballistic firearms for weapons. link
Rating: 5 (+6/-1)

A movie is really interesting if the marines have no personality and the aliens have no personality. link
Rating: 2 (+4/-2)

When an enemy is grouped together, you shouldn't use a grenade launcher on them. link
Rating: -2 (+1/-3)

Harvey Dent is a better Marine than a district attorney and killer. link
Rating: 8 (+8/-0)

Never trust anyone with a hat. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Hats have magical powers link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Emily Blunt does not sound like a registered New York voter. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

An old guy watching a naked couple after sex isn't always a perv. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Only black and blue ties are ok. Yellow ties make it seem like you're taking your situation too seriously, while silver ties mean that you have forgotten your roots. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Matt Damon doesn't get to pick his own tie. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You need to pay a consultant $7300 to find out the perfect amount of scuffing for your shoes. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Everybody wants to chase Matt Damon. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

You can't blame yourself for what happens to other people, but in this case Matt Damon can. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you need to infiltrate the KKK to arrest them for smuggling drugs, be sure to have 2 of your black cops go undercover as Klan members instead of any of your white cops. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

After turning to the dark side, have the clone troopers kill the adult jedi. You can prove yourself as a powerful sith lord by taking on the difficult task of murdering children. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

A movie is automatically good if it randomly brings a real life tragedy into the plot. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Justin is about as useful as a cock flavored lollipop. link
Rating: -1 (+1/-2)

Out of maybe 20 dodgeball teams, the 2 teams that will make it to the championship are the teams that are ultimate rivals. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Patches drinks his own urine, because it's sterile and he likes the taste. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Thank you Chuck Norris. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

There's irony in being crushed by a "Luck o' the Irish" sign. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Both Globo gym and Average Joes have 1 black guy who end up facing off against each other in the championship. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Nobody makes White bleed his own blood. NOBODY! link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

When Opium addicted Chinamen played dodgeball, they threw severed heads at each other. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Patches ain't crazy and he ain't a guy. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Nobody is White's boss. White created himself. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

If you have the ability to teleport and you need money, be sure to rob a lot of banks. No need to rob a mob boss or a spoiled rich asshole instead. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

To test out if the devil is near, the most logical thing to do is toss toast in the air. If it lands jelly side down, then it clearly must be the work of the devil. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Woah! woah! 4 apprentices? This whole time he's had 4 apprentices? Jesus christ link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

After stabbing the main heroine in the arm, be sure to slowly approach her rather than quickly killing her. What's the worst that could happen? link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

When a bad guy throws his glasses at you, be sure to focus on catching the glasses rather than killing the bad guy. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Fockers? It sounds like fuckers. Get it? hahaha. So clever. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

If a guy accidentally kills your family and planet and you are both then sent back in time to before that happens, it's much more logical to just kill his family and his planet rather than prevent the deaths of your family. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

The guy with the glasses is always the nerd link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The animals weren't actually bowing? Pumbaa just farted. Really? Ruining a memorable scene for a fart joke link
Rating: 6 (+6/-0)

A black gang will give up there turf just because a skinhead gang beat them in a game of basketball. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The police reinforcements won't come until after the danger is over. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

It's fairly easy to out-drive an explosion. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The guy with a chainsaw also has a hockey mask. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you conclude that spiders have become 5X bigger, follow them into a dark cave. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you see that your friend's house is filled with web and all of his spiders have escaped, walk in and investigate. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

It's ok for a young adolescent to be friends with a middle-aged man with a spider fetish. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

A black man's vote still doesn't count in Florida. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

In a movie about Giant spiders, a different movie about giant spiders will appear in the background. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

No one ever believes the kid. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The black guy is the crazy one. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If your boyfriend wants to have sex with you, taze him in the balls and abandon him with a bunch of giant, hungry spiders. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If cats, dogs, and ostriches disappear, call a fish company. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)