If every school has a fire escape plan, but velociraptors can spread faster than fire AND open doors, then shouldn't every school have a velociraptor escape plan? link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Eyes are the doorways of the soul. That's why you shouldn't let someone take your eyes out and replace them with buttons. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

This is not the antimatter you are looking for. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

What do you call it when a person has sex with a dead body? Necrophilia. What do you call it when a dead body has sex with a person? Twilight. link
Rating: 15 (+17/-2)

Bloody hell, Harry! Cedric Diggory didn't die after all! Take that Voldemort! link
Rating: 2 (+5/-3)

Your friendly neighborhood Yakuza tattoo artist knows more about ninjas than you think... link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Ninjas don't like it when you laugh and don't believe that they exist. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Ninjas always know when you're lying about your pant-size. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Limping ninjas can run faster than ones who have absolutely nothing wrong with their legs. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

Jabbing a knife into someone's jugular only tickles! link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Oh, you're going to be executed soon? Ok, first we'll take off your shirt, then douse you with water so everyone can see how hot your washbord abs look in the firelight! link
Rating: 5 (+6/-1)

Of course an ATV can climb up a steep, roadless mountain cliff. That's why it's an all-terrain vehicle! link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Ninjas often forget that it's a very common birth defect to have your heart on the right side of your body. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Ninja hand-signs can help with spontaneous regeneration of the skin to cover that gash on your stomach link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Black sand in an envelope is the ninja equivalent to a pirate's black spot. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Don't go into your apartment alone when there's a power outage because a ninja is in the shadows, waiting to kill you. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Even in today's economy, it only costs one-hundred pounds of gold to have a ninja kill a man. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Governments don't like it when you try to find out if they're hiring ninjas as assassins. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Apparently only female ninjas try to run away from the clan. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Of course a ninja will help you fold your laundry! Then he'll put you into one of the washing mashines to wash out your bloody clothes with more of your blood! link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Make sure that you'll already have destroyed the city of your choice 35 minutes before you give the good guys your evil monologue. link
Rating: 6 (+7/-1)

So if a vampire sparkles in the sunlight...it brings a whole new meaning to the lyric "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick." link
Rating: 36 (+39/-3)

It's not a water immersed medical procedure to inject Wolverine with adamantium into his skeleton, it's an excuse to see Hugh Jackman naked! link
Rating: 12 (+12/-0)