"Living with your folks. Living with your folks. The beginning of the end. Drab dead yesterdays shutting out beautiful tomorrows. Hideous, stumbling footsteps creaking along the misty corridors of time. And in those corridors I see figures, strange figures, weird figures: Steel 186, Anaconda 74, American Cane 138..." link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

I was outside the cabin smoking some meat. There wasn't a cigar store in the neighborhood. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

In Alabama, the Tusk a loosa. But that's entirely irrelephant. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

One morning, Captain Spaulding shot an elephant in his pajamas. How the elephant got in his pajamas, he'll never know. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Dynamite always works. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

I guess a curse just ain't what it used to be. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Stress. It's a killer. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Bartok can show you all the latest dance moves. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Be that as it may that you have an English, American or French accent, you're always straight up Russian. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Why do they always the change the ink?!? link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

For Communist Russia, they sure do have a lot of time to sing. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Spit shines are "lemony fresh". link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Porky Pig wants MJ's au-auto-au-au-e-bli-lee-lee-au-to-auto-John Hancock. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Anyone can be confused between the taste of garlic salt and dandruff. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Humans like to eat Chinese food. Vampires like to eat Chinese. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Now remember kids. Don't be a sadist who tortures plastic toys with fireworks and splicing or you may end up a 22-year old garbage man who entertains oneself by banging on trash cans. Nobody wants that. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Miyazaki characters are so influential that they have the ability to cross universes not just in Japan but throughout the world. Take that Pixar! link
Rating: 8 (+8/-0)

The impending apocalypse: Just another government cover-up. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You're singing it's not the end of the world. Therefore, it must be the apocalypse. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

At 29,000 feet, what could be that high up? Let's see. You built the arks in the Himalayas. Put your rocket scientist minds together and it shouldn't be that hard. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

The Vatican, Christ the Redeemer and the Dalai Lama's residence can be destroyed by Mother Nature. If she tries to destroy Mecca, however, the Muslims will go all fatwa on her and she wouldn't want to be politically incorrect. link
Rating: 0 (+2/-2)

In Scott's mind, there are two L words - lesbian and lesbians. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

That baby-spider thing? The stuff nightmares are made of. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Etch has the fastest knobs in the west. In fact, he's the only one that can have the fastest knobs in the west. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Seeing that Buzz is from '95, it's hard to believe they had Spanish speaking toys back then. The Reset button has proved me wrong. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

How do you solve a problem like Maria? link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Cloris Leachman rules. 'Nuff said. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Space, time and relativity with a ridiculous script. link
Rating: -3 (+0/-3)

The man's name is Sasha *snerk*. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

When they say don't panic, that's when you run! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Even during the end of the world, wealth is still necessary to get ahead in life. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Multi-billionaire Russians are always asses. Their sons are worse. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Look out for guys with mean left hooks. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

No one believes a 10 year-old would pinch a woman's ass. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Cospiracy theorists enjoy pickles. A lot. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

What do overflowing teacups, the name of the protagonist's son and the Dalai Lama tolling a bell have in common? The answer is metaphors! link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Postcard from 2013: Wish you were here in Darfur! link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Ostrich racing is held every Tuesday and Thursday. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Opossums didn't exist in Ancient Rome. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

His majesty's receding hairline is honestly nothi- BALD! BALD! BALD! BALD! link
Rating: 4 (+5/-1)

Using captions, it can be proven that the last audible line of the series, in episodic order, belongs to none other than...Jar Jar Binks. Thanks, George. Really, thanks. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

You don't need a license to drive a sandwich. link
Rating: 2 (+4/-2)

A Triple-Berry Goober Sunrise has roughly the same alcoholic content as a shot of Jack Daniel's. link
Rating: 1 (+3/-2)

Mr. Krabs thinks SpongeBob is acting like a jackass. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

You fly can be down and you may not even be wearing pants. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

SpongeBob has won Employee of the Month award 362 consecutive times. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Wearing the same underwear glorifying a dancing peanut for 3 years is considered worship. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

David Hasselhoff has control; he also has pressurized man-boobs. link
Rating: 1 (+3/-2)

They're not laughing at you. They're laughing next to you. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

You need to be a man to be a manager. Otherwise, they'd call it a kidager. You understandager? link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Now that they're men, so many things have changed that they just had to put it all in a rousing musical number. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Grannys offering ice cream are the ecsa or fishbait used by frogfish. link
Rating: -2 (+0/-2)

Tears will undoubtedly save any main character after they have already died. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

It's not kissing if there is food in your mouth. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

His arm. It's healed! Oh wait it's not. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

When possessed by a demon's curse, losing a few quarts of blood affects you none too much. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

The soup tastes like super donkey piss. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Let's hope San doesn't have AIDS. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

It's a human forest god disguised as a deer. No, it's a deer forest god disguised as a human. Sometimes it turns into something like an Avatar. Seriously, I have no idea what it is. link
Rating: 2 (+3/-1)

Saying to someone, "From now on, you are dead to us." doesn't really mean you hate them. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Demons residing in you may seem horrible. Though they sure come in handy when someone is trying to kill you. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Any (famous) Michael Cera movie must have an underage sex scene. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Apple juice. Apple juice flood. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Petey wrote a bad song. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

They say foxes are slightly allergic to linoleum. In reality, it is quite cool to the touch. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The ability to gain superpowers is genetic. The specific superpowers of your parents, however, are not genetic. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Mr. Incredible has been busy. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Good morning starshine! The earth says hello! link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

High treason is a great thing to toast with champagne. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Vegas shows ain't got nothing on Robin Williams. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You wouldn't like it if a genie brought someone back from the dead. IT'S NOT PRETTY!! link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Croquet with flamingoes and hedgehogs never caught on for a reason. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

The Red Queen's knights are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and Jack. Wonder why. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Twinkle, twinkle is very important stuff. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

In Japan, fireflies are thought to be little drops of fire. Except, you know, without the burning. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Love is a souvenier much like fridge magnets and snowglobes. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

September 21, 1945. That was the day he died. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Even in death, Setsuko had her Sakuma drops. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

Fireflies die too soon. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

War is the greatest killer of innocence. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Not all fireflies have to do with synthpop. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

The Schindler's List of Japan. link
Rating: -3 (+0/-3)

Those who loved you in peace will spite you in war. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

The Japanese did not deserve this. Pearl Harbor, though horrific, pales in comparison to the B-29 firestorm. May their souls rest in peace. link
Rating: -4 (+1/-5)

Pain=laughter. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Suburban America is oft confused with Poland. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

He'll get you and your bloody chicken. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Five was an even number in ancient Greece. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Don't make the promise not to hide anything between you and a teenager. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you skinny dip alone, you become prone to all sorts of attacks. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Wine in a cup is only excusable in two situations; comedy club or when the stress of hunting a 25 foot shark get the best of you. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Hear that? It's the sound of ten thousand fangirls finding out for the first time Johnny Yong Bosch acted in this movie. It's not pretty. link
Rating: -1 (+1/-2)

Make yourself a dang quesadilla! link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Shooting a cow point at point blank makes children cry link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

I would imagine breaking your coccyx would hurt. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Canned Heat by Jamiroquai is officially cursed. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

How are you a geek? Let me count the ways (doodles creatures, has annoying voice, lives with grandmother, lives in Idaho, too much to count) link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Mindreading is cool. Mindreading while causing major crotch damage to your body, not so much. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper is still a great slow dance after 20 or so years. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Jon Heder, you are scarred for life. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)