After Emergency! Roy DeSoto comes into some money. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Of the 365 possible birthday choices, make sure you tell the baby you abduct the REAL day of her actual birth...what could possibly be the harm in that? link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When you're in arial combat, it's necessary to repeat everything twice...everything twice... link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Shooting a phaser at a vat of potatoes and narrowly missing two crewman is apparently the best way to demonstrate the alarm system aboard the Enterprise. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

British people don't think that Whitesnake is very good music; they prefer songs like "Paint the Town Red" by the Mahones. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

People at crack houses are not impressed with gifts of cake. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you're a bar girl, your life sucks. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The Hampton Beach Casino in New Hampshire is not a casino at all, it's a ballroom. It's true, look it up. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

I think somehow starting a sentence with, "I had 9 kids...", isn't going to help your argument very much... link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Only people from New England know where he was and what he was ordering when he held up his hand and said, "Regulah." link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Yes, it's true. People from the Boston area actually talk like that. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

To hell with the M16, give Barnes an entrenching tool and his bare hands and you've got all the firepower you need. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

I get the feeling that the guy delivering the urgent message from York probably had a peek at said message. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

It is decidedly NOT a good idea to stand up to King Longshanks. At least not near any open windows anyway. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

When an opposing army is heading to your castle, the prudent course of action is to bring in the food and the provisions, double the wall guard and seal the gate. Then, pause for an extra four or five seconds so that you can be recognized later from the neck up... link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

It was a COLD night on the night of William Wallace's wedding. I mean it was, really, really cold...really. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Next time you discover a large rat colony living in your attic, don't call an exterminator. Simply scare them and they will all leave on their own. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

No one realized that Tim Robbins was in this movie until years later when he became famous and you see his name in the closing credits. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The stereotypical 1980's male drove a Delorean and aspired to be just like Don Johnson. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

TV shows get cancelled because no one wants to see 50 year old guys hitting on chicks. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Some airlines allow first class passengers to do pretty much whatever they want. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

All right, remember: alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

"I got punched in the nose for sticking my face in other people's business" does sound like a country song. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Letting your boss look at your boobs is a great way to cultivate a pleasant working environment. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Money is not important to some people; it's important to ALL people. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Next time you pick up a minor energy flux reading on one Dyno scanner in your search for a completely lifeless space body, do yourself a favor and move on to another planet. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Sucking Lemons is a great name for a racehorse. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

When your balls itch and you don't have a free hand available, they HAVE to be scratched by any means necessary, even if it involves swinging a weight tied to the end of a rope into them at a high rate of speed. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

It's easy to get out of the military. Simply walk into the CO's office, throw your wings on his desk and tell him that you quit. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you are transported back to medieval times and you run into a bitter enemy of France, it might not be a good idea to translate the French phrase "I am a spy." into English. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When talking to French princesses, you might want to steer clear of 21st century colloquialisms. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you're looking at medieval French artifacts, you might want to think twice about passing judgement on what kind of jerk could destroy something so beautiful; that jerk might just turn out to be you. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Humans in 14th century France were the same average height and weight as 21st century humans. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Having several people go back in time on multiple occasions with knowledge of future events will not alter the future. At all. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Naturally everyone in medieval France spoke fluent English. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

That's right, don't bring a non-lethal weapon like a cattle prod or a taser back with you to defend yourself. What could possibly go wrong? link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

First Superman 2 and now this. There's a reason why they probably don't let Richard Donner edit movies... link
Rating: -2 (+0/-2)

I guess it might have been wiser not to ignore the whole "not falling in love because it will destroy our lives" thing...you think? link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Don't hand the keys to your Land Rover to the nearest guy in a collared shirt tying their shoe. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Then put your little hand in mine, there ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb... link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Apparently Knotcher can't get through the day without proving what an a**hole he is. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A motorcycle and a small plane can have a very competitive race. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A bunch of Air Force brats who belong to a high school flying club will be allowed to wander all over an Air Force base without being questioned and be able to requisition and arm America's most sensitive military aircraft. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The right music will increase your bombing and flying skill. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Any high school kid with one airplane can kick the crap out of a 3rd world Middle Eastern country. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

A maverick WILL fire if it's still on the ground. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Make sure you make your mixture rich before stunt flying; you sure won't be able to explain to people that you forgot while they are scraping you off the side of a cliff. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

All Middle Eastern dictators speak English and are great fighter pilots - The troops under their commands also speak and understand fluent English. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Let's not kid ourselves; a show called "Punch Teacher" would probably be pretty cool to watch. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Don't just shoot your enemies to kill them; make them board a plane that you own and have the pilots bail out over a remote mountain region of China. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Bad guys always bring an antidote to the poison they are trying to kill you with. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

The producers of this movie could have saved everyone a lot of time by naming it "Top Car" since the plot was pretty much the same as Top Gun but with race cars instead of airplanes. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If you get a race car driver to attend a funeral before he's dead, well, you've just made history there. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Control is an illusion, you infantile egomaniac. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Charlotte, NC is a backwoods podunk town filled with tractors and farms. Thanks for clearing that up for everyone. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Rubbin' is racin' link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Denial is a sickness and it's probably going to kill you. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You can learn everything you need to know about stock car racing by watching ESPN; they have excellent coverage. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The best way for two adult men to bond is to rent two cars and proceed to destroy them both on the way to a dinner that neither one wanted to attend. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When engaging a numerically superior hostile force of unknown aircraft, make sure the guy you have on emergency backup has just gone through a severe emotional trauma of his best friend's death to the point of almost quitting. What could possibly go wrong? link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Unfortunately, it's ridiculously easy to accidentally deactivate a force field protecting your platform and its inhabitants from certain fiery death in a lake of hot lava. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Reman soldiers can not hit the broadside of a f$&#^*g barn. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

I'm going to let you in on a little secret - KMart sucks. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

You'll know you're done training when you can run non-stop up the side of a mountain and scream your opponents name from its peak. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Having insurance for your business seems like a good idea, but in actuality it's not really that comforting after disaster strikes. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Terrance and Phillip have made farting an art form. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Most chickens do not want to be pies. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The effects of Insta-grow pills are sadly temporary. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Right before they are about to kill someone, assassins are distracted WAY too easy. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Don't get caught stealing beer, the punishment - um, well, let's just say it's pretty sh**ty. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

The AK-47 is the preferred weapon of our enemy and it makes a very distinctive sound when fired at you, so remember it. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Reese doesn't give any serviceman discounts, too bad his 'ol lady does. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

If your brain was half as smart as your mouth skunk stool you'd be a frigging 20 star general by now. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Do you want some gummy bears? They've only been in my pocket for a week... link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

After a massive firefight where most of your platoon gets killed or injured, it's probably better to tell your commanding officer how you're REALLY doing, otherwise you're going to be promoted to lead what's left of your unit. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

When retreating at a high rate of speed, please pay attention to where you are running, the trees don't move. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Make sure you keep track of the advancing enemy before you turn around to call your battle buddy a gutless sh** link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

At hotels that cater to worldwide guests, it should be common courtesy to have some American on your signs. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Most karate masters you study with will most likely not teach you how to pull a fire poker out of your ass. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Telling someone you're going to call the cops is not a good bluff when you've just told them that you don't have a phone. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

When your elderly manager is having a heart attack, the best life-saving action is to talk to him while he's lying on a table in a locker room. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Deloreans are not heavy enough to derail a train. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Apparently, they didn't give a rat's rear end about the Temporal Prime Directive in Kirk's day. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Computers do not have a need for a lifetime supply of chocolate. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Back in the day, there were supercomputers that could predict with a high degree of accuracy the location of winning tickets. Unfortunately, these computers were pompous and unwilling to share such knowledge. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Prostitutes have senior citizen rates. Only $50 - and for an additional $25 their spouse can watch. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Tubes of toothpaste can easily be mistaken for astronaut food after a night of binge drinking. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

If you jump off a building in pursuit of bad guys, please make sure there is at least an awning. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Astronaut applications are an acceptable form of identification at the bank. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

When you know the difference between sh*t and Shinola you are ready to leave home and make it on your own. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Turns out that when it comes to "making your own luck" neither money nor guns will do it. However, an abandoned crying child, works like a charm. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

For some women, being a whore to a gutter rat is preferable to being the wife of a rich aristocrat. link
Rating: -1 (+1/-2)

Mr. Guggenheim's assistant was extremely loyal. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Unfortunately, spitting is not a subject that is taught in finishing school. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

Apparently, sheriffs in Kansas allow civilians to deliver notices of property seizures. link
Rating: 1 (+2/-1)

Citizens of the Emerald City think that everyone that flies is a witch or wizard. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

There are only 2 roads in or out of Munchkinland. Red or yellow brick. link
Rating: 0 (+1/-1)

Trees can talk! link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking. link
Rating: 8 (+8/-0)