Never relinquish your gun to someone else, lest they take it and shoot you instead. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

It is not wise to go to an amusement park during a zombie apocalypse, it is VERY unwise to turn the power on at an amusement park during a zombie apocalypse. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

Zombies can't tell if you're a human as long as you look like a zombie. link
Rating: 9 (+9/-0)

A little sunscreen never hurt anybody. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)

It's not wise to learn the real names of your traveling companions as you may become attached to them. link
Rating: 5 (+5/-0)

The fatties are the first ones to go. link
Rating: 12 (+12/-0)

There may or may not be a significance to the number '3'. link
Rating: 2 (+2/-0)

Twinkies do expire. link
Rating: 11 (+11/-0)

Sometimes it's best to enjoy the little things. link
Rating: 3 (+3/-0)

Never question the DJ, ever. link
Rating: 4 (+4/-0)

Just because somebody makes the same wild hand gestures as you do it does not automatically make them your child. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

It is wrong to hit on a 1o year old, even if he looks like he's 30. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Be sure to check your parachute before jumping. link
Rating: 0 (+0/-0)

Crocodiles magically appear in riots; don't ask how they got there, they just are. link
Rating: 1 (+1/-0)

When you leave your significant other, the best place to angst is an attic in South America. link
Rating: 3 (+4/-1)

When in doubt, take your shirt off. It doesn't matter if you don't have abs, they can be airbrushed on. link
Rating: 9 (+12/-3)

You're jello, lime jello. link
Rating: -1 (+0/-1)